Of Pain and Possibilities
by ScribbledHP
Summary: Beckett and Castle have always been close, but a case that threatens to put Castle's life in danger pulls them even closer. Scared, confused, happy, in love. It's Castle and Kate, at their finest.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This is my first ever Castle fic, and I'm hoping I'll be able to write more than a one-shot this time. This is a pretty short installment and doesn't really get too far into the plot, but I enjoyed writing it nonetheless. Hopefully you enjoy it as well! Reviews are always appreciated. **

**Chapter 1**

"Thanks, Castle."

Kate Beckett wrapped her hands around the warm cardboard coffee cup, breathing in the intense aroma of the roast that was made, as always, exactly as she liked it. She smiled at Richard Castle and took a long swig. It was a simple ritual, him bringing her coffee every morning, but it was one that Kate had come to look forward to as soon as she awoke. At first, it had simply been about the coffee – the more expensive brews that Castle would pick up, the way he always seemed to know exactly when she needed a caffeine boost – but lately, Kate had found a certain anticipation growing inside her around the time he would usually arrive. An anxious, happy feeling upon getting to see his face again, feeling the gentle brush of their skin against one another as the coffee passed from hand to hand.

"So," Castle said, taking a seat in his chair beside her desk, "what are we up to today?"

Kate forced herself to turn away from him and rediscover the numerous files littering her desk. She picked one up, opening it and making a slightly disgusted face as she replied, "Paperwork."

Castle frowned. "That's all? Well, let me know if you need any help." He leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him and crossing them at the ankles. He took a long gulp of coffee and then rested his hands behind his head, lightly closing his eyes.

Fighting back a smile, Kate tried to return to her paperwork. She had expected him to go home once he heard there wasn't a case for them today – that's what he would have done before. But in the past few weeks, Kate had noticed him sticking around the precinct longer than usual, showing up when he wasn't really needed to provide company and warm beverages. And in these past few weeks, Kate felt herself being drawn closer and closer to Castle.

It had started with the bomb scare, really, when they had almost died together in a freezer and when he had saved their life at the last possible second by pulling a foolish Castle stunt. That's when she truly realized that things, as they had been, needed to change. That was several weeks ago, and it was also several weeks ago that Kate had ended her long drawn out relationship with Josh, the distant surgeon. Kate had been mildly surprised at her lack of reaction to the breakup; she had felt a little empty afterward, but ended up going over to Castle's apartment that same night, eating ice cream and watching Star Wars into the early hours with her favorite writer and his daughter.

That's how it continued, then. Kate spent more and more time with Castle, ordering in Chinese and playing poker when they both should probably be catching up on much needed sleep. And honestly, Kate had had more fun in the last few weeks than she had in the last several years.

She signed off on one more file, bringing her out of her brief reverie. She looked up as she moved the file from one side of her desk to the other, and couldn't bite back her smile when Castle opened one eye to the sound of her movement. He grinned, straightening up in his chair with a sort of leap and resting his elbow on her desk. Kate had figured he wouldn't be able to stay in his relaxed position for very long.

"I'm kind of bored," Castle said, absentmindedly twisting a pen around in his fingers.

"I'm kind of working," Kate retorted, snatching the pen away from him.

He fidgeted in his seat, looking for something to keep him preoccupied.

"You know," Kate began, "you can go home if you want. I can call you if we get a case."

"Why would I want to do that, Beckett?" Castle watched her as the corners of her mouth turned upward ever so slightly and she returned to the papers in front of her. "Can I help you with any of that?"

Kate bit her lip for a moment, scanning over what she still had left to do. Technically, she was supposed to fill all of this out herself, but it would hurt if Castle took care of the easy, tedious stuff...

"Here," she said, handing him a stack of yellow file folders. "Copy the information here into the boxes there."

Castle grabbed back the pen she had taken from him early and bent over the files, getting straight to work. They sat in a companionable silence, the only noise the soft scratch of pens on paper. After several moments, Kate's phone buzzed and woke them from their haze of paperwork.

"Beckett," she answered. Castle watched her as she listened to the dispatch officer.

"Good morning, Detective. We've got another case for you..."

Kate began to jot down the address of the crime scene, but stopped after writing two digits, her face falling and her heart clenching. "Okay, we'll be right there." She said softly into the phone, her voice taking on a different tone – cautious, almost scared?

"What's the matter?" Castle said, the change in his voice matching hers. His eyes were soft as he stared at where her pen had stopped writing.

Kate swallowed. "We've got a case."

"And?"

"And the murder took place in your apartment building."

Castle fell silent, his brow furrowed in what Kate assumed was worry. After a brief moment, he found words. "Which apartment?"

"74B... three doors down from yours."

"That's close." Castle's voice was cold and he didn't meet Kate's eyes. She reached out, impulsively, gently touching his arm.

"I'm sure there's no connection to you." She said, trying to reassure herself as much as him. It was true, she thought fiercely, trying to be convincing inside her head. Murders happen in New York on a regular basis, as disturbing as that is. The chances that this murder is connected to Castle just because it occurred in his apartment building was a million in one.

"Right." Castle said, nodding and still not meeting her eyes. As much as she tried to fight the feeling, Kate felt her heart ache a little as Castle rose and pulled on his coat, his movements void of the usual energy he displayed when they worked together.

She followed him as he led the way towards the elevator. As the sliding doors opened, she gently grabbed his elbow. He turned back to her, eyes still dull.

"Hey," Kate said, "It's a case. Just a case. Like any other."

"Right."

**Thoughts? I'll have another chapter up sometime within the next two days, hopefully. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, everybody! Thanks so much for the reviews, and keep them coming! I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update throughout the week, since my life is pretty much synonymous with chaos right now. But I'll try. Also, a quick note on the rating of this story: I decided to up it to a T rating, just because I think I can make the story more affective I have that extra bit of freedom a higher rating gives me. Hopefully that doesn't turn any of you off. Anyway, here's the next installment!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<br>**

The apartment building was bustling with police activity, but an uneasy silence crackled around Castle and Becket. It seemed surreal, taking the elevator ride up to Castle's floor, seeing the familiar hallways in a strangely different light. When they had entered the building, Kate had flashed her badge at the doorman and immediately felt foolish, realizing that he knew who she was. The redness that seeped its way into her cheeks did nothing to help reassure Castle that nothing was wrong.

The elevator dinged when they arrived at Castle's hallway. As the sliding doors opened, the partners stepped out into a mess of CSU officers and crime scene tape. Kate blinked a few times, reassuring herself. _It's just a case. _The words she tried to comfort Castle with earlier echoed in her mind. _Just like any other. _

Kate led Castle into the victim's apartment, trying not to notice his gaze drifting down the hall to rest at his home, only a few yards away. The layout of the victim's place was very similar to Castle's, but not quite as put together. It seemed as though whoever had lived here could afford the expensive loft but lacked the furniture, or perhaps just the taste, to match it.

All thoughts of interior design were immediately wiped from Kate's mind when she saw the body. It was gruesome – bloody. She wasn't often fazed by the tough crime scenes, but this was enough to make her cringe a little. Kate couldn't help but look back to her partner and see his face bunch up in disgust, his eyes sharp and disturbed. Castle met her gaze for a moment, and she could see in his expression that the worry he had felt earlier was still present. But as much as Kate wanted to comfort him, she turned back to her murder victim.

"Troy Nelson, thirty-five." Lanie was crouched over the body, meticulously picking through the remains with latex gloves in search of an obvious lead. Kate nodded and looked up at Ryan and Esposito, who were standing several yards away from them, slightly green-faced.

"Anything?" Kate asked.

"Not yet," Esposito started, "Guy lived alone. We're running a check now, looking for next of kin."

"He was divorced," Castle said, suddenly taking a step forward to look down over the body.

"You knew him?" Kate's eyes were soft as she watched him.

"No. Not really." He sighed, running a hand over his face. "He moved into this building just a few months ago – I only ever talked to him on his first day here. He told me his wife had left him."

"Do you know what her name was?"

"No." A quiet, sorrowful laugh escaped Castle's lips. "I didn't even know his name."

He fell silent, then, and Kate watched him for a moment, wondering what she could do. "Take a look around the apartment," she said to Ryan and Esposito, "I think we'll head back to the precinct." The two detectives both nodded as Kate turned. Castle stayed where he was for a moment, staring at the body, and then followed her out of the apartment.

"Do you want to come back with me?" She asked him softly, "Or would you rather go home?"

"And miss an afternoon of murder and mayhem? Detective, I'm surprised you have to ask."

Kate smiled a little at his attempt to lighten the thick air between them. "Seriously, though," she said, turning to face him in the elevator, "You're alright?"

He surprised her by placing both of his hands on her shoulders, as if to hold her steady. "I'm fine," He said, looking directly into her eyes. "It wasn't my family. Just someone who happened to live in the same building. There's no reason for me to be worried." His voice sounded confident, but his eyes still held a small flicker of doubt. Kate knew he was trying to be strong, though, and was glad for that.

"Of course," she replied, smiling up at him. He removed his hands from her shoulders and Kate immediately found herself missing the feeling of his warmth, however minute an interaction that had been. She turned and crossed her arms, hoping he couldn't see the heat that was rising to her face.

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><p>They had been working on the case for hours, with not an inch of progress to show for it. Nothing made sense. The security tapes of the apartment showed nothing, Nelson's ex-wife had moved to Arizona and hadn't had contact with him in months, and none of the detectives could find any reason why Nelson would be killed. He had lived a simple life as an average accountant; he went to work each day and came home, ordering pizza and watching pay per view. He wasn't into drugs or gambling, he didn't have money, he didn't even have any friends to get in fights with. Beckett was lost.<p>

Castle was sitting beside her on the edge of her desk, both of them staring at the murder board. They were slightly closer to one another than usual, but Kate didn't feel uncomfortable. In fact, despite her frustration from getting nowhere wit this case, Kate felt quite comfortable here with him.

Castle checked his watch, blinking with exhaustion. "It's one o'clock, Beckett."

"Hmmm?" Kate didn't tear her eyes from the murder board.

"It's late. We're not getting anywhere."

"I can't just leave, Castle," Kate said, finally turning to look at him. "We're in the middle of a case that needs solving."

"I know that. You know I know that. I'm just saying... maybe it'd be better if we let it go for the night. We're both frustrated from this stupid case. Even I can't come up with any crazy explanations."

Kate smiled a little and looked back to the murder board. After a moment, she stood up. "Alright. We can pick it up in the morning. But _only_ if you take me to Remy's. I'm starving."

Castle's face lit up with a mischievous grin as he grabbed his coat and they started towards the door. The tension between them had dissolved for a while as they started to dive into the case, but Kate was worried it would return the longer they were without a probable suspect. Everything about it seemed too random; Kate couldn't stop her mind from wondering if maybe it was connected to Castle.

She was fierce in her self-assurances, though, as she followed Castle out of the precinct and down the street to Remy's. Kate couldn't bear to think of Castle being in danger. He was her partner, and especially lately, she wasn't even sure if she could do her job without him. It was true that she had never needed him before, but ever since he had weaseled his way into her life, she had a hard time picturing herself without him by her side. Castle's humor kept her sane during the more somber times at the precinct, and she couldn't deny that some days he was the only thing that kept her going. He irritated the hell out of her, and she wouldn't have it any other way. _Whether this case has anything to do with him or not, _Kate thought, _I won't let anything happen to him._

The stars twinkled over their heads as they walked. It was cold out, and the pavement was wet from the rain that had just let up. Kate wrapped her thin coat around her, regretting her choice of apparel for the evening. Castle cast a glance over to her as she shivered, and then impulsively wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close and warming her up.

Kate stiffened, thousands of emotional alarms ringing in her head. The closeness of their stance scared her almost as much as the prospect of him being in danger. She wasn't sure how to react. It was so... comfortable. And warm. And close. So very, very close.

"It's cold." Castle said. Kate was confused by the statement at first, and then realized what he meant. It was an explanation – an excuse, maybe – for his actions. It was an assurance that Castle didn't expect anything from her, and that made Kate feel a little more at ease. She relaxed into his warmth, a small smile on her face, and was sad for their embrace to end when they reached the diner.

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><p><strong>There you have it. Review, please?<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again! Sorry it's been a week - this is the first time I've had a chance to even think about this story. But now that I have thought about it, I'd like to make a few minor amendments to the case in the last two chapters. The first murder now took place four doors down from Castle, in room 73B. This chapter is again pretty short and mostly case based. Please review! Your words always make me want to write more. :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

Kate stared at the murder board. It felt like she had been doing this for years, now, staring at the picture of the dead divorcee who had never amounted to much in his life. She felt bad for the man on the whiteboard. It seemed sad to her that he was so alone in his life that some of the best detectives in New York couldn't find somebody who would have had even the slightest desire to kill him. This fact also made Kate quite frustrated.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair and squeezing her eyes shut. There _had _to be something they were missing. There was no way a man just shows up in his apartment, brutally murdered, for no reason. But they could find nothing. Absolutely nothing. Ryan and Esposito had scoured every inch of the apartment, looking for some sort of lead, and Kate had watched the security footage a dozen times. But still, just as before, they found nothing. Kate was reaching the height of her impatience when Castle appeared at her side.

"Hey," he said softly, lightly touching her shoulder. "Anything suddenly appear?"

"A fat lot of nothing." Kate spat, glaring at Castle. It wasn't his fault, of course, and she didn't mean to be mad at him. But he was there, and he could handle her anger like a gentleman.

Castle gave her a thin smile and nodded in understanding. "Well this isn't doing us any good. But I've got something that will make it all better!" A goofy grin spread across his face, and Kate felt her frustration begin to slip away. Castle pulled something out of his jacket pocket and waved it around enthusiastically. "Laffy Taffy!"

"Laffy Taffy? Really, Castle?"

"Aww, come on. It's taffy. You like taffy. And this particular kind has amazing puns on every wrapper! What could be better?"

Kate fought a smile as she rolled her eyes at him. She snatched the taffy away from him, however, and tore into it. She wouldn't admit it out loud, but she was happy for the sugary distraction, as stupid as it was.

"What's brown and sticky?" Kate raised an eyebrow at Castle, who was leaning forward, giddy in his Castle way to give her the answer. She gave up ignoring him after a few seconds.

"What, Castle?"

"A stick!" His smile widened, and Kate couldn't fight the grin that spread across her face.

"That's ridiculous." She said, rolling her eyes.

"What does yours say?"

"Where to you find an ocean with no water?"

Castle narrowed his eyes for a moment, as if he was thinking deeply. "On a map?"

"I'm not sure whether to be proud or ashamed." Kate said, laughing a little as she tossed her taffy wrapper into the trash bin. She looked up at Castle, and was a bit taken back at how he was looking at her. His eyes were still light, the happiness he found in the stupid puns still giving him a high, but there was another depth to them. He looked into Kate deeper than anyone could ever see. He understood her. Always. Kate wasn't used to people trying to take care of her; she wasn't used to having people watch her back or bring her laffy taffy just because they thought she needed a break. But as she looked into Castle's eyes, she was glad for his support, the distraction he provided.

This distraction was interrupted, however, when Esposito and Ryan approached the two of them, disturbed looks on their faces.

"We've got another body." Esposito said, crossing his arms.

"What? We've already got a hopeless case. We don't have time for another one."

"They're thinking this one is connected."

Kate was silent for a few heartbeats, and she could feel Castle tense beside her. "How?"

Ryan and Esposito shared a quick glance. They obviously understood the weight of the situation, and neither one wanted to be the one to speak up. Finally, Ryan spoke.

"It happened next door, 75C. Just as bloody."

Castle winced and then inhaled deeply, obviously trying and failing to control his emotions. Next door – that was three doors down from Castle's home. Too close. Especially if the killer was randomly picking off people in his hall. Kate mentally shook herself, trying to escape that last thought. She had to wait until she saw the evidence to jump to risky conclusions like that.

"Alright, let's go."

Castle and Kate took off down the elevator together, the writer suddenly becoming very quiet. By the time they had reached his apartment building, the two had barely said a sentence to one another. They came to his floor to meet similar circumstances to last time. The first two doors in the hall were now covered in police tape. Castle and Kate headed toward the second door when they both tensed, spotting another form at the end of the hall. It was Alexis.

"Dad?" She said, staring at all the uniforms passing by, the people ducking in and out of the roped off room. "What's going on?"

"Alexis." He immediately left Kate's side to meet his daughter at the end of the hall. "There's been a murder. You should go inside, I'll be there in a few minutes. We're just going to check this out, then we'll come in. Okay? You good?"

Alexis still looked confused, and Kate felt a sinking feeling in her stomach for both of them as he gently guided her inside his loft. They both looked so scared.

"Sorry." Castle mumbled as he rejoined Kate in front of the crime scene.

"No, it's Alexis. She's confused. I can come back and talk to her after this, if you'd like."

"I think she'd really appreciate that." Castle gave Kate a weak smile that melted her heart a little.

"Then that's what we'll do." She led him into the crime scene, preparing herself for the bloody mess she was sure to find. Lanie sat crouched over the body, as usual.

"Victim is Hally Barefield, 43 years old. Same situations as last vic, but take a look here."

She handed Kate a plastic bag that contained a crumpled paper. Kate took it and peered inside. It contained only a single phrase, scrawled in black pen:

_Knight to C3._

"I found it in the victim's hand. There's blood all over it. If I had to guess, I'd say the murderer wrote it, not the victim."

Kate nodded slowly, eyes narrowed. She showed it to Castle. "So what do you think it means?"

Castle's brow furrowed. "We're playing a game of chess."

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><p><strong>'Til next time!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**The next installment has been written much sooner than I thought it would! It's a bit longer than the others. I would have written more, but don't have the time and really wanted to get this up tonight. Anyway, I think this is a good chapter, I enjoyed writing it quite a bit. Hopefully it's not too case-based for all of you. I promise there will be more fluff in chapters to come! Just let me get there! Thanks everyone for the amazing reviews, and keep them coming!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Chess. Kate blinked. Chess? Serial Killer. Castle... the castle was a chess piece. Her Castle. He could be a chess piece. She hated playing games with murderers.

Kate's mind was flashing in a thousand directions as she stared at the paper in her hands. _Knight to C3. _It was, as Castle had said, a chess move. Chess was a game of strategy, a game played by wise, old men. A game Kate was not very good at.

The detective looked up and handed the paper back to Lanie, the noise of the crime scene suddenly booming through her head as she looked over at Castle. He looked somewhat disturbed, and Kate felt an instinctive urge to grab his hand and tell him it was okay. She didn't. But when he looked over to her, his blue eyes dull in a way that made her heart sink, Kate decided that they needed to get out of there.

"Come on, Castle." She said, pulling her coat tighter around her and turning towards the door. "Lanie, we're going to head back to the precinct. Don't hesitate to call if you find something." After passing through the narrow doorway, Kate began to make her way down the hall towards the elevator, but stopped when she felt Castle grab her arm.

"Kate," he said, his voice soft, pleading. Surprised by the use of her first name, Kate spun around met his gaze evenly. "I've got to talk to Alexis."

Kate immediately kicked herself for forgetting. She knew how worried Castle was, and little Castle must have been doubly afraid. She nodded, smiling slightly, hoping to give her partner some comfort. "Of course."

They walked down the narrow hallway side by side, the tension of the crime scene and what it had meant floating thickly between them in the silence. Silence like this between Kate and Castle was strange, and the detective hated it. Whenever cases drove them to these moments, all Kate could think about was the waging war in her head of whether to tug Castle close to her and hold him for all of eternity or to push him away so far that she'd never have a charged thought again. But lately, what worried her most of all was that one side of the war seemed to be winning.

When Kate and Castle entered the writer's apartment, Alexis jumped up from the seat where she had been waiting for them. Without a word, she collapsed into her father, crushing him into a tight hug. Kate tried to detach herself a little and give the two some time as she watched the flurry of red hair bury itself in her partner's chest. Castle closed his eyes and wrapped his arms tightly around Alexis, and neither of them moved or even seemed to breathe for several moments.

When the embrace finally ended, Richard stared at his daughter, a thin smile spread across his face. "Hey, sweetie."

"Hey, Dad."

They simply looked at one another for a moment; words were not needed to explain the emotion in their eyes. Kate watched in awe as Rick shared his fear with his daughter while, at the same time, staying strong and confident for her. He was sensitive to every tiny move Alexis made, every thought that crossed her mind.

"So," Alexis said, her eyes flitting between her father and Kate, "I see we've got two crime scenes on our floor now. What's going on?" Alexis was trying to keep a light tone, as her father often did, but Kate could easily see the dismay underneath her words.

"There's been another murder." Castle said, his voice softer than Kate had ever heard it before.

"Is it – are they connected?"

Castle looked over at Kate, unsure of how to answer. Kate took a breath and nodded slowly. "We think so. But it's hard to tell, at this point. We've got a lot of investigating to do."

Alexis turned to Kate, her eyes pleading for reassurance. "But... we're not in danger, are we? Dad and I? We're okay?"

Kate felt the huge lump form in her throat. How could she answer that? "I don't know, Alexis. I really don't know. But I promise, your dad and I will do everything we can to make sure nothing else happens. You'll be safe."

Her words were meant to be comforting, but Kate knew that her own uncertainty had just amplified the fears of Castle's daughter. Alexis looked back up to Rick, looking suddenly very small. He wrapped her in a hug again.

"We've got to go back to work, pumpkin. We're going to find this guy." He whispered the words softly, almost too soft for Kate to hear.

"Just... be careful. Both of you. Please?"

"Of course, Alexis. I love you."

"Love you, Dad." Castle let go of his daughter and smiled at her. It was a broad, bright smile, and Kate was amazed at how it made Alexis' face light up just a little. She knew Castle was scared out of her mind, but that smile seemed genuine. Castle must have inherited some of his mother's skills.

"We're going to have police watching this building from now on," Kate said, starting towards the door. "There will be an officer in this hall. But if you hear anything, if even the slightest thing bothers you at all, you call us. Okay?"

"Definitely."

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><p>"So, what do we know?" Castle asked, fiddling with a pen in his fingers. He was trying to keep his mood light as he and Kate stared at the murder board, trying to figure out exactly what the killer was up to and exactly how to bag him before the night was up. Kate figured that wouldn't be happening.<p>

"I think it's safe to assume we're dealing with a serial killer," Kate said, "he's not killing for motive. He's killing to kill. And he's going about it with a chess motif, apparently."

"But the question is, why didn't he leave any chess-themed love notes at the first crime scene?" Castle put the pen to his lips, his eyes squinted as he stared at the board, lost in thought. After a moment of silent meditation, he jumped to his feet and grabbed a dry-erase marker. "I've got an idea."

Castle drew a large square on the board with red marker, and then began to draw smaller squares, making it into a checkered pattern. After he had filled every other square with red ink, he labeled the edges of the board – numbers down the left, letters across the bottom. "A chess board." He stated.

"I figured as much."

Castle grabbed another color marker, and Kate realized he was going to try and plot out the killer's path. "C3," he muttered, marking a large blue "X" on the square that line up to column C, row 3. "This is where he moved his knight. So, if he's really playing chess, he must have started here." He marked another "X" at the square B1, where the knight starts the game. With that, Castle leaned back against her desk again, his shoulder brushing hers.

Kate stared at the picture for a moment. "Do you suppose the positions on the board have anything to do with the room numbers? The first apartment was a B, the second a C."

Castle nodded fervently. "Of course. He's showing us his path. His movement from victim to victim." He was silent for a moment and then his face lit up with sudden inspiration. "What was the number of this last victim's apartment?"

"75C."

A smile spread across Castle's face. "7 plus 5 is 12, and 1 plus 2 is 3. C3. It's the victims address, translated onto a chess board. The first apartment was 73B, right?" Kate nodded. "So 7 plus three is 10... B1. The knight's first square. The murderer's first victim."

Kate felt her heart beat a little faster. _Progress. _They had finally made a little progress. "We might be able to map out the killer's next moves with this."

"We could, but to do that we'd have to assume that he would be taking on the role of the knight for the entire game."

"Not necessarily." Kate was silent for a moment, a little afraid to say what she knew had been floating between them since the case started. "If we assume that the killer is making his way down the hall, we can make the apartment numbers into chess positions and figure out if it would make sense with the game he's set up here. If everything adds up, we should be able to predict the killer's next moves."

Castle nodded, his spirit a little heavier. He had known that their investigation would have to explore the possibility that this was leading towards him. "Right. So, the next apartment?"

"77B."

"Translates to B5." Castle X'd the square and drew an arrow covering the knight's path. They Then moved the knight to C7, from the next apartment, 79C.

"And the last apartment, my apartment," Castle's gaze was intense, his face serious, "lands the knight home at A8 – reaching the end of the board and taking the rook."

"The castle."

Kate hadn't meant to say it out loud, and she wasn't sure at first if Castle had even heard it. It had come out as a faint whisper, but a terrified one, nonetheless. The fact that this was all happening in his hallway, the chess analogy – the whole time, it had pointed to him. But now she couldn't deny it. The knight ending it's game by taking down the castle, not the king, was too much to be a coincidence.

"It works out so perfectly." Castle said, his voice barely audible. Kate grabbed his hand, not thinking about the other detectives in the precinct or about her own personal defenses. He needed her. She squeezed his fingers, and he squeezed back.

"It doesn't work out perfectly, Castle. No game of chess ever does. The only way his strategy will work is if we never move our pieces."

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><p><strong>So there we are. Reviews are lovely!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again! Sorry it's been so long. But here's another chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

The noise in the precinct didn't quite reach Kate and Castle. They were still leaning on her desk, her hand tangled in his, staring at the murder board in silence. Castle took a deep breath and Kate looked over at him.

"Hey," she started, her voice gentle, "We're going to beat this guy. He's not going to hurt you."

Castle turned his weak gaze towards her, a wordless expression of gratitude in his eyes. He needed her now, and she planned on being there for him. They would stick this out together.

Kate stood, reluctantly releasing Castle's hand, and motioned Ryan and Esposito over to her desk. "We've got it figured out," Kate said grimly, "he's going after Castle." The two detectives' expressions mirrored the fear and worry in Kate's. "We need to get protection for the other families in the hall. Castle, you should call Martha and Alexis into the station. We can explain what's going on and get all of you somewhere safe."

"I'm not going anywhere," Castle said, a sudden fire in his voice.

"Castle, we're not going to argue about this. You can't stay in your apartment. It's not safe. "

"I know that. And I want Mother and Alexis to be protected. But I can't leave."

There was a thick silence between them. Kate wasn't sure what to say. She knew that if he stuck around, she would worry about him every second. But she would probably do that anyway, and it was comforting to have him here with her.

"Kate, I want to help catch this bastard. I _need _to help."

The desperation in his eyes made Kate break. "Alright. But bring Martha and Alexis in anyway, they deserve an explanation."

"You'll help me tell them, right?"

Kate's heart clenched. Rick was almost never this vulnerable around her. "Of course I will. Ryan, Esposito? Can you call Castle's agent and ask her to bring in all of his fan mail from the past year? We need to take a look and see if there is anyone who seems suspicious."

"Of course." Ryan said, giving Castle a shaky look.  
>"Don't worry, man," Esposito said, "We've got your back."<p>

Rick nodded as they walked away and then blinked, running a hand over his face as if to wipe away his fear. He whipped out his phone and called Alexis. "Hey, Lex... can you get Gram and come down to the station? We need to talk to you."

* * *

><p>Rick spoke to his mother and daughter with a heavy voice, but Kate was amazed by his strength as he told them that he was at the center of all this killing. He sat at the edge of the puffy chair, leaning forward and resting his forearms on his knees. Martha was speechless, her brow furrowed. The look in Alexis' face was devastating; her eyes were watery and her face incredulous.<p>

"Who would want to hurt you?" Alexis whispered, staring at her father. Castle let out a long breath and pulled Alexis into his arms.

"I don't know. But you shouldn't worry about me, Alexis. I'm going to be okay."

"Dad... you have to be okay. I can't... You..." She squeezed her eyes shut, giving into her tears.

"Alexis?" Kate said, cautiously. She wasn't sure if this was her place to speak. When the teenager looked up to her hopefully, Kate continued. "Alexis, I'm going to take care of your dad. I'm not going to let anything happen to him."

"You promise?"

"With everything I am."

Alexis wiped her eyes and gave Kate a weak smile. "Thanks, Detective Beckett."

A couple uniformed officers showed up in the doorway, ready to escort Castle's family to the safe house. Alexis looked up at her father and he smiled down at her, kissing her forehead. "I will see you soon, pumpkin."

"Be careful, Dad. I love you."

* * *

><p>Kate let out a long breath. Castle's fan mail had arrived about an hour ago. When Kate had requested the fan mail from the past year, she hadn't realized that meant a room full of garbage bags filled with envelopes and letters. Castle didn't read most of his fan mail, especially lately. He had been too busy following her around to dig through the mountains of paper he got every day. But occasionally his agent would send him a letter that she thought he would like. He had a collection of them, throughout the years, that moved him and made him happy – they were one of the only things he enjoyed about being a famous writer.<p>

Reading his fan mail was an interesting experience for Kate. She had done it once before, back in their first case together. At the time, she was irritated with his immaturity and irritated at herself for the brief excitement she had felt when she discovered the copy-cat bodies that meant she would get to meet him. Back then, she regarded all of his adoring fans as naïve idiots, which made her even more irritated, since she knew that deep down she was one of those fans.

Now, after three years of working with him, now that he was her best friend, and now that she cared more about him than almost anything in the world (whether she would admit that or not), reading his fan mail was a different experience. Most of the letters were still superficial and meaningless ("You are so good looking!", "I love the relationship between Nikki and Rook, it's so hot!"), but some of Rick's fans seemed to have a relationship with his books like she had had. She loved Castle's writing, still, and she recognized that appreciation in some of the fan mail. She found herself smiling at the letters many times throughout the night.

She tossed another letter into the "read" pile that she and Castle were quickly building and picked up another letter. As she began to read it, a cold feeling ran through her veins.

_Mr. Castle,_

_Thank you. I'm not really sure what else to say. There's no amount of words that can express how you've affected my life in the last few years – at least, no amount of words that I can find. This probably doesn't mean much to you, and that's okay. I think I'm writing this more for myself than anything else. _

_About a year ago, I lost someone close to me. It was sudden and unexpected, and I was devastated. I found your books a few days after the accident and I started to take refuge in your world. Derrick Storm's frightening reality became a refuge from my own. Your stories helped me heal. They're still helping me heal. _

_So, thank you. Really. Thank you. _

Kate took a deep breath. She hadn't written this letter, but she could have. The words echoed her own sentiment; this person had found in Rick's books the same thing she had.

"Are you okay?" Castle was looking at her with a concerned expression, and Kate realized that her eyes were watery. She wiped them quickly, trying to save face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... nothing. I'm fine."

Rick had a curious look in his eyes as he gently took the letter from her. She watched him as he read it, a soft, sincere smile playing on his lips as he reached the end. He looked back up at her. "You know everything – the publicity, the paparazzi, the stupid tours – it's all worth it for things like this. To know that I helped somebody when they really needed it, to know that I somehow affected their life... it's really quite amazing."

He tucked the letter into his jacket pocket instead of the discard pile and Kate felt her chest tighten a little more as she tried to smile back at him. She wanted to tell him, desperately. She wanted to explain to him how he had been a light in the total blackout that was her mother's death. She wanted him to know that he had been changing her life years before they had ever met. She wanted him to know that she never wanted to be anywhere but by his side.

But she didn't say anything. She turned back to the pile of letters, hoping that she would find a psychopath sometime soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for taking so long on this, folks. Everything is starting to wind down for me, so hopefully I'll have more time to write. Also, you should check out the other Castle story I've started - it's a finale fic, like so many others, but I've really enjoyed writing it so far and would love for you to read it. :) Anyway, here's the next installment of this story. I'm not too happy with this chapter, to be honest. Let me know what you think.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<br>**

Ryan and Esposito hurried over to Beckett's desk, looking less than satisfied. "Yo - we've evacuated the Johnson family, but the Kellers, who live next to Castle, are refusing to leave."

Kate looked up from a pile of fan mail, the pinks and yellows and whites of the envelopes littering her desk, giving it a very feminine glow. She squinted a little, confused. "You explained to them what was going on? The murders next door?"

"Of course we did. They figured they could protect themselves."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Castle leaned back in his chair, looking very tired.

"Yeah," Ryan said, shaking his head. "But we can't force them to leave."

"They're going to be killed." Castle insisted.

"No," Kate started, oddly disturbed by her intense desire to grab Castle's hand, "We've got a heavy watch on your building. We'll keep them safe." She tried to make herself believe the words, but was almost too tired to focus on the case, let alone reassure herself adequately. Since the first murder in Castle's building, Kate had found it very difficult to find sleep.

"But we do have some good news." Ryan cracked his knuckles. He looked nervous. "We know how the guy is getting into the apartments without being spotted."

Kate raised her eyebrows, intrigued. Esposito continued, "Each of the apartments in Castle's building has a small fire escape connected to the outside – the back side that faces with the alleyway. Just wire steps, you know."

"He's climbing up them. We should have figured that out before."

Castle narrowed his eyes. "But how is he getting in the apartments once he's reached them? There weren't signs of a break in at the scene."

"That's the part we're not sure about," Ryan said, "But you're right – he definitely didn't break in. I doubt he was let in. Who lets in some creepy guy standing on the fire escape off your porch?"

"Maybe he makes keys," Castle said, the face melting into the expression that meant he was finding a story, "A locksmith? They're always the perfect thieves, because they can break into houses without actually breaking in. Maybe this guy has somehow figured out how to make keys for the back doors of these apartments."

"And he could watch them well enough from across the street to figure out when they were home and alone," Beckett said, her brow furrowed. "Those apartments are extremely open. He could sneak up the fire escape in the alley, unseen, and quietly open up the door to an unsuspecting person." Castle's expression sank at this, his eyes dark.

Their discussion was interrupted as a uniformed officer approached them, a small cardboard box in his hands. "Delivery for you, Detective." He placed the box on Kate's desk, and she looked at it cautiously. There was no return address, and Kate didn't often receive harmless mail from people who didn't leave an address.

"You gonna open it?" Esposito seemed to be thinking along the same lines as Beckett; his brow was furrowed and his eyes dark as he leaned forward.

Kate took a deep breath and tore into the cardboard confidently. She hoped her coworkers didn't see the exhausted slump of her shoulders as she pulled a chess board out of the box. It was from the killer. There was nothing Kate like less than being played with by killers. The chess board was wooden and like any other chess board, except for bright red words that were painted across the top. She read it to herself, her gaze steely, and then Castle read it out loud for the others.

"_Nice move, Detective," _he quoted, "_But I hope you realize that saving your pawn may result in a greater sacrifice."_

"Saving the pawn. He means the Johnsons."

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "So he already went to their place? We moved them out only a few hours ago."

"Looks like he's moving quickly, which means the Kellers are in even more danger."

Kate was silent for a moment. Castle took the chess board out of her hands and looked at it, his brow furrowed. "This is a nice board. Why would he send us this?" He flipped it over impulsively and winced when he revealed a violent red painting of a horse head on the bottom of the board. "Well, I think it's safe to say he's playing the knight from now on."

"Who brought this is in? Somebody must have seen him. Ryan, Esposito... talk to the officer who delivered this to us. I'm going to go over the security footage at the building, talk to some of the officers posted on the perimeter. _Someone _must have seen him."

* * *

><p>Several hours later, they had gotten nowhere. Beckett had posted more officers outside the fire escapes of the building, but they still had no idea who this man was. It was about three in the afternoon, and Beckett was dead tired.<p>

"What do you say we get out of here, just for a bit?" Castle was as exhausted as she was, his hair ruffled as he slumped over in his chair. "We could go get some quality coffee or something."

"We've got coffee in the break room."

"I know, but just imagine! We could walk the exciting streets of New York to get the delicious coffee that I grace you with every morning. I'll even pay." Kate narrowed her eyes at Castle's words, but inwardly, she was grateful for Castle's offer. She needed a distraction from this case; it was driving her mad.

"Well, if you're going to pay." She stood up and stretched, grinning just a little as she saw Castle's face light up in glee. This was making him feel better, if nothing else.

They took a car down to a coffee shop Kate had never been in. Castle lead the way through the door and a tingling bell announced their entrance. It was a small place, quant, with outrageously expensive coffee.

"Jeez, Castle. This is where you get my coffee every day?"

Castle shot her a confused look. "Yeah. Why?"

"It's just... a lot of money."

Castle's small smile made Kate feel a little uncomfortable. "But it's so worth it, my dear detective." He approached the counter with ease, smiling radiantly at the cashier even though Kate could see the weight of the last few days in his eyes. He ordered for them automatically, spurting out Kate's complicated order as if it were second nature. It probably was, she realized.

They stood back to wait for their coffee, and Kate could feel her partner watching her. "What is it, Castle?"

He blinked. "I don't know, I just... You're okay, right?"

Kate was surprised by the question. Shouldn't that be what she was asking him? She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yeah, Castle. Of course I am."

Castle shifted on his feet, looking extremely uncomfortable. "Um, good. Because I... I kind of need you to be."

Her heart twisted as she looked over at her partner. Kate reached out and grabbed his hand, not even noticing the fact that they were surrounded by others. Castle needed her enough that he would admit it out loud. She wrapped her arm in his and tangled their fingers together, stepping closer to him. The tension in his shoulders visibly melted away at her touch and a small, relieved smile played on his lips.

They didn't let go of one another when their coffee was ready. The man behind the counter smiled at Castle and greeted him, but the writer was too distracted to have any more reaction than a painfully fake smile. They walked out of the shop together, almost leaning on each other, and returned back to the precinct in silence.

* * *

><p>"You two should go home." Roy Montgomery stood in front of Kate's desk, an expression on his face that told Kate there would be no discussion. But it's not like that had ever stopped her before.<p>

"With all due respect, sir, I'm not one to leave a case sitting here unsolved." The precinct was quiet, and Kate was still unbelievably tired. Honestly, there wasn't much she wanted to do but go home and sleep, but she was worried for Castle and definitely did _not _want him going home. Really, she wanted him to come with her, but she was a little afraid of saying that out loud.

"You're not going to get any work done on this tonight, and you know it. I'm not going to say it again, Kate. _Go_ _home._" With that, the captain turned and walked back to his office. It looked like he was planning on heading home, too.

Castle yawned. "I guess I'll just... find a hotel." He stood up and pulled his jacket over his shoulders, grabbing his cell phone to make a call.

Kate stood, quicker than she had meant to, to stop him. "No, Castle, don't. You can stay with me tonight."

"Really?" Castle's dumbfounded face surprised Kate. Was she really so private that Castle didn't think he was welcome in her home?

"Yes, really. You're my partner. Now, let's go, before I realize what a stupid decision this is." She gave him a light smile and started off toward the elevator, grabbing her bag. He followed like the lost puppy he often exemplified.

They didn't speak much as they traveled to her apartment. Castle had a small bag with clothes and such from a quick trip they had made to his apartment earlier, after they figured out what was going on. It was a little awkward at first, standing in her apartment, but that faded away quickly. Kate tossed her keys onto the counter and ran a hand through her hair. It was late. They both wanted to sleep but were a little afraid of what they would find in their dreams.

Castle was standing in the middle of her living room, looking at neither Kate nor anything else, really. His eyes were blank as he rubbed a hand over his face, as if trying to wash away everything that happened, all of his worry for his family and for his friends. As she watched him, Kate felt her heart ache just a little. And in that moment, she made a decision. She didn't care about whatever barriers she might be breaking, she didn't care what the consequences would be. Her partner needed her. Her Castle needed her.

She closed the distance between them in a few steps and wrapped him in a tight hug. His form was stiff at first, but he slowly relaxed into her and pulled her closer. And they stood there for quite some time, drawing strength from each other in the silence. Castle buried his face in her hair, and she closed her eyes as she laid her cheek on his chest. It felt so _perfect._

After a few moments, the moment was gone. They broke apart and shared a glance, a glance that expressed more emotion between them than any words could have.

Because she was still a little afraid of sleep, Kate looked towards her television, and then back at Caste. "How about movie?"

The writer looked relieved to be provided with a distraction. He smiled and nodded, plopping himself down on the couch. "I don't care what, as long as it's funny."

Kate grabbed a DVD, knowing that neither of them would really be paying attention to it, and settled on the couch beside Castle. She hadn't intended to be as close as she was, but she soon felt herself moving even closer. It was as if she had abandoned all of her inhibitions, just for an evening, in favor of the warmth of her partner's arms. He seemed to appreciate it, too, as he wrapped an arm around her and she leaned into him. Their chests rose and fell with a peace that seemed contrary to everything they should be feeling, and after a long while of just sitting in silence with Castle, Kate felt her eyelids begin to droop.

And there, in the happiness that was Richard Castle, Kate fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Alright, folks. I'm back. Finally. I apologize for the really long wait, and apologize even more for the content of this chapter. It really isn't much... it's short, and not a lot happens. I'm sorry! I've had a ton of crap going on and no time to write, and I just wanted to get this out. A bit of happiness and reassurance between the two, that's all. Even so, I hope you enjoy it. Reviews are much appreciated, and I adore all of my readers and reviewers! I should be updating a little more frequently from now on. I hope. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<br>**

It was warm when Kate woke up. It was warm and comfortable. More comfortable that she had been in a very, very long time. She automatically burrowed deeper into the warmth, surprised and slightly delighted when the scent of Castle surrounded her and filled her. For a moment, she didn't notice. For a moment, she just smiled, silent, into his chest. And then she realized what was happening. She realized that his arm was curled around her, holding her, and that his chest was rising slowly with the quietness of sleep.

Kate blinked her eyes open, shocked. She was not supposed to do this. She was not allowed to do this. Castle was her partner, her best friend, her everything. But he could not be this. Kate sat up, shaking herself mentally and physically, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her chest as she left the comfort of his arms. She fought back a smile as she watched his peaceful face, the lines of worry and fear eased slightly by something in his dream that was casting the shadow of a grin upon his lips. She sat back on the couch, still close to him, and glanced at the clock.

They had slept through the night – something Kate hadn't done since this case had started. And something she almost never did with another person. When it had been Josh beside her in the bed, she would wake up in the dead of night, plagued by dreams of death and crime and her mother's corpse. But this time, on her uncomfortable couch with Castle beside her, the terror that she felt when she thought of their case had disappeared and the only thought that had remained was that of deep sleep and utter happiness.

The peace in the room was enough to keep Kate's mind silent for quite some time. She watched Castle without much thought, glad that he was feeling some sense of relief, even if it was only in sleep. Kate was woken from her serene trance, however, when her phone buzzed on the coffee table. She blinked at it a couple of times, feeling a sinking in her gut. And then, finally, she picked it up.

"Beckett."

"Hey, Beckett." It was Ryan. "There's been another murder. The Kellers. The ones who wouldn't leave."

Kate swore under her breath. "Alright, we'll be there in a bit."

"Are you with Castle?" Ryan sounded vaguely sensitive, but Kate knew that had the circumstances been different, he would be teasing her about it without even waiting for an answer. For some strange reason, she decided to tell him the truth.

"Yeah, he's staying over here. Did you really think I would let him go home?" She decided to leave out the fact that they had cuddled up together and fallen asleep on the couch.

"Of course not. I'm glad he's safe. See you soon?"

"Yeah."

Kate took a deep breath and cast a glance towards Castle. He looked so peaceful; the last thing she wanted to do was wake him with the news that the killer had come one step closer to his destination. But they had to go to the crime scene soon. They had to catch this bastard.

"Castle?" She placed a hand on his shoulder, apprehensively. He didn't respond. "Castle." She nudged him a little harder, and he sighed a bit as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Er... Good morning, Beckett. What time is it?" He looked a little confused, as she had been when she first woke.

"It's about seven. We've got another body." She tried to prepare herself for his reaction, but the fearful wince that ripped across his face struck her heart with enough force to make her look away for a moment.

"The Kellers."

"Yeah."

"Both of them?"

"It sounds like it." Kate stood, reluctant to walk away from him. "I'm going to get changed. You can do the same. You know where the bathroom is?"

He nodded, his eyes downcast. When Kate returned to the living room, feeling slightly better after putting on fresh clothes, she noticed that he was still on the couch. He had changed, though. He was just sitting, silent, his eyes cloudy with thoughts.

Kate sat beside him, grabbed his hand. "Hey." He didn't say anything. "Castle."

Slowly, with a long sigh, Castle turned his head to look at Kate. She felt moisture well up behind her eyes as she saw the look of pure pain in his face. He looked broken, more vulnerable than she had ever seen him.

"It's my fault." His voice was hoarse, quiet.

"Castle..."

"These people, the death... it's because of me." He looked back to his hands. "If it weren't for me, they would still be alive. They would still be breathing, dreaming, talking. They'd still be laughing and living."

Kate squeezed his hand, hoping to give him some sense of comfort. "It's not your fault, Castle. It's not at all your fault. It's the fault of that psychopath who is hunting you down."

"But if he wasn't hunting me down..."

"Castle, if he wasn't hunting you, he'd still be insane. He'd still be a ruthless murderer. There's nothing you can do to change that."

He was silent for a long time. "It's just... hard."

Kate nodded, slowly. "I know. Trust me, I know." She leaned her head against his shoulder, sinking into him. She knew that they had to leave, that there was more death and blood to face, but at the moment, all she wanted was to feel him beside her. To help him know that he was not alone.

They sat in the peaceful quiet for some time, and then Castle let out a long sigh. "We should go."

Kate stood, reluctant to leave his side. "Yeah. You sure you're up for this?"

Castle gave her a grim look. "I have to be, don't I?"  
>"You don't have to, Castle. You could stay here. I can do this on my own."<p>

"Of course not. I'm not going to let you deal with this by yourself."

Kate narrowed her eyes, just slightly. "I'd have Ryan and Esposito. I wouldn't be alone."

"Kate." The seriousness in his eyes told her not to push the issue. She nodded slowly, smoothing out the front of her shirt with her hands and puling on a jacket. She grabbed her keys off of the counter, closing her eyes for a moment and readying herself for what would be a grueling afternoon.

She turned to Castle and gave him a significant look. He smiled ever so slightly and held out his hand. Without even thinking, Kate took it, interlacing her fingers with his and squeezing gently. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep her going. And she didn't ever want to let go.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello, everybody! I apologize for the long wait, again. I know that I hate waiting for new chapters in stories that I read, so you would think that I would be better about posting quickly... but, alas, it seems that I cannot doing anything quickly. Anyway, enjoy the chapter. It's a little longer than the others. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, and as always, keep them coming!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

There were two bodies this time. Two bodies that filled the once beautiful loft with the sickly sweet stench of death. Two bodies that were mercilessly mangled, blood soaking the hardwood floors and seeping into the fabric of the nearby rug. The air was thick with murder as Kate and Castle entered the room, each taking a deep breath to fill their lungs with focus. To get themselves back on the job.

They were no longer holding hands, as much as they wanted to be. Kate wanted to feel Castle's warmth beside her and make sure it didn't go out, but she knew that there were people around, that her colleagues would see, and they wouldn't understand. At least, they wouldn't understand in a way that wouldn't destroy Kate's privacy or make her feel extremely embarrassed. So she refrained from taking Castle's hand and forced herself to be happy with glancing at him every few seconds to make sure he was okay.

He hadn't been staring as much since this had started, and he always stared. As creepy as she found it, she kind of missed the feeling of his gaze on her. It had always made her feel safe, or at least cared for. Loved? No. Not loved. Never loved, not with him. There was too much emotion there, too much crackling static between them that Kate did not want to deal with. Even though she saw the depth of his feelings every time she looked into his eyes, she would never admit that – to herself or to anyone else.

And they were both aching on the inside, wishing so desperately to be able to make this whole situation disappear and to escape to Remy's or the Hamptons or somewhere that would not hold the threat of death around every corner. They wanted to be able to embrace each other without the consequences or the expectations that always seemed to hang between them. But nothing ever seemed to work out the way they wanted, so they continued forward, scared and confused, together but so, so apart.

Their conversation with Lanie was brief. They knew who had been killed, how. They still hadn't the faintest idea as to who the murderer was, and if Kate was being honest with herself, she couldn't see them getting a solid suspect anytime soon. This was the thought that scared her the most – somebody was out there, after Castle, and they hadn't the slightest idea who it could be.

"Beckett," Ryan stepped through the sliding glass door that led to the patio of the loft, his brow furrowed. "You need to come see this."

Kate followed the detective, confused as to what she needed to look at outside the crime scene. As she stepped into the chilly city air, she inhaled sharply and curled her fingers into fists, surprised by what she saw before her. Across the bricks of the apartment building, stretched over the glass of the windows and the black metal of the fire escape, there ran a single word.

_Check._

Castle stepped out onto the patio with her, and fell extremely quiet. "Is that—?"

"It's red paint," Ryan said, answering Castle's unvoiced question. "Just paint."

"It's a very public threat," Kate said, running a hand through her hair. "He wants the whole world to know what's happening." She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, her levels of stress flying to new heights. They had kept the media away from the ordeal, for the most part, but now that they were right next to Richard Castle's apartment with a big red declaration of malice written for the whole world to see, there would be no avoiding the cameras and the interviews.

"But he only said 'check,'" Castle mused, squinting at the words and leaning back against the rail. "Not 'checkmate.' He's leaving us room to make a move, to avoid losing the game."

"What a compassionate killer." Kate replied, the words coming out more venomous than she meant them. She immediately looked up to Castle and winced when she saw the surprised and slightly hurt expression on his face. She hoped he could see the apology in her eyes.

"Anyway," Ryan said, oblivious to whatever Kate was trying to communicate with Castle, "the media _is _going to be all over this. We're going to have to get it cleaned up, and I'm sure both of you are going to have to face the flashing lights."

"Nothing I can't handle." Castle rubbed a hand over his face and stepped back inside the apartment. Kate watched as he walked out into the hallway. She didn't think he would leave without her, but she was still eager to join him. She gave instructions to Ryan, Esposito, and the CSI team, and then followed Castle down the hallway.

"So," he said, his voice rough, "we're just as far away from an answer as ever." Kate gave a small nod. "What's the point of even investigating this? There's nothing to go off of. This guy isn't making any mistakes."

They entered the elevator and Kate turned to face him. "But he will, Castle. He _will. _And we will find him and take him down. That's why we need to keep investigating, as pointless as it seems. We won't let him get away with this."

Castle closed his eyes and sighed, nodding slowly. "Right. I know, Kate, I do. It's just..."

"I understand." She moved forward, placed her hands on his shoulders, and pressed her forehead to his. It was a dangerous move and it put them very close to one another, but it had the desired effect for both of them. His shoulders relaxed a little and he leaned into her, breathing in her comfort. She did the same, and for a moment, there was peace.

But then the elevator dinged, as it always did, and they broke away from each other to face the opening doors of their sanctuary. Their quiet followed them out into the lobby of the apartment, but as soon as the doorman smiled at them and opened up the heavy building doors, the quiet was broken.

The flashes of the cameras made Kate feel as if she were at another one of Rick's book signings. Brightness popped in front of her in all directions, leaving spots of light in her eyes. She looked over at Rick for some answer, some indication as to what she was supposed to do. This was not her area of expertise; she handled the investigations and the interrogations, not the interviews.

Castle was surprisingly composed in front of the cameras, considering what had happened in the last few days. Kate supposed that he had to be – if the public knew what was going on, how upset he was, they would have a whole other problem on their hands. He gave the reporters a confident smile as he gently guided Kate through the mass of photographers.

They were shouting questions at the two of them, and Kate wondered why Castle didn't answer any of them. He just plowed forward, waving occasionally and keeping his head down for the most part. He walked quickly, a hand gently placed between her shoulders to pull her along with him.

* * *

><p>Of course, they couldn't avoid the media for long. Back at the station, after about a half an hour of tense quietness and dedication to the investigation, a ring came on Kate's work phone. She picked up with a tense, "Beckett," and then took a deep breath as an officer downstairs announced the small group of reporters that was making its way upstairs.<p>

"Time to face to press?" Castle said softly, as she hung up the phone.

"Seems that way." Kate stood and straightened out her shirt, casting a long look towards Castle and then walking swiftly away from her desk. She met a group of four reporters as they came out of the elevator and led them to the conference room. Castle sat beside her and smiled at the reporters, giving them his signature charm.

"Detective Beckett, my name is Rodger Steinworth. I'm from the _New York Press._"

"Nice to meet you." Beckett spoke softly, uncertain. She closed her eyes for a brief second and breathed in, deep, composing herself. She could do this – she was the professional, capable detective of the 12th precinct.

"We were wondering, Detective, if you could give us a brief overview of what has happened with the Checkmate Killer case?"

Kate blinked. "Checkmate Killer?"

The reporter gave a small, slightly irritated smile. "That's what we in the media have been calling the case you're working on. Checkmate, you know, like in chess. Because of the chess theme."

Kate nodded, playing with a pencil on the table in front of her. It seemed odd to her that they could give it such a casual name, make it seem so unreal. Like a thing in a movie. It wasn't fair, really, that they could just dismiss it as some game, while it came so close to destroying everything she held dear.

"Right," Kate said, looking up at the reporters once more. "There is not much that we can release at this time in relation to the 'Checkmate Killer.' All I can tell you is that we are doing the best we can to find justice for the families that have lost loved ones." Kate sunk back in her chair a little, satisfied. It was a good answer, a safe one. And a true one, too. Kate understood better than anyone the importance of getting justice.

The reporter, however, narrowed his eyes. "I'm sure you're working very hard, Detective. But I understand that you do not currently have a main suspect?"

"We do not," Kate hesitated for a moment, "But we have several strong leads that we are investigating at the moment." A lie. She glanced at Castle for a split second and saw warm encouragement in his eyes.

"The Checkmate Killer has murdered four people already, Detective. What are the chances of finding this man before he kills again?"

Kate didn't want to tell the reporters too much, didn't want to give the killer the chance to find out how much they knew about him and his plans. So she kept it brief. "We are following what we believe to be the killer's next move, and we have faith that we can stop him before any more blood is shed."

"I understand that the killer seems to follow a set pattern. What kinds of precautions are you taking to protect the threatened families?"

Kate looked over to Castle again. He was quiet, sitting back and studying her and the situation. But he gave her a small smile, a little nudge to continue forward. "We have done everything we can to ensure the safety of those involved. I'm afraid I cannot give you any more information than that."

The reporter nodded and stared at Kate for a moment. Then, suddenly, he turned to Castle. "Mr. Castle, it's a pleasure to meet you. I have been told that this case affects you personally, that you are very close to the center of it. Some are even saying that you're the main motivation behind the killer's rampage. What do you say in response to this?"

Castle swallowed. "I say that I am doing all I can to help the fine folks of the 12th precinct catch this man." He folded his hands on the table and stared evenly at the reporter, as if challenging him to ask for more. Castle's statement seemed to enrage the reporter, while it spurred a little cheer inside of Kate. It was a good response. It didn't give them any bait, didn't put Castle at fault.

He had said nothing that would give the media ammunition, but the fact that they knew of his involvement even on the slightest level could prove very dangerous later. He was a famous writer, and any rumor of him being involved in a case like this could damage their chances of finding the killer. Kate could only hope that they found him before the press was aflame with Castle's picture.

Kate stood and held out a hand to the reporters. "I'm sorry, but I'm sure you can understand how urgent it is that we get back to work. Interviews won't lead us any closer to the killer."

The reporters all looked slightly disgruntled as they shook hands with Kate and Castle and filed out of the room. Kate watched them go for a moment, her hands in her pockets. She blew a long puff of air out of her mouth and then exited the conference room, heading for her desk and taking a seat in her chair. She swiveled around to face Castle, and saw that he looked as tired as she felt.

He grinned at her. "Thank God that's over."


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey, everybody! First of all, thank you for all of the lovely reviews. They never fail to make me smile. Here is the latest installment of our Caskett story, but unfortunately it will be the last one for a while. I'm leaving town in a couple days and I won't have internet access for about a month, so production on this story will have to come to a halt. I apologize, and I promise to have quick and long updates when I get back! I was going to try and get another chapter up before I leave, but with the way I've decided to pace the next few chapters, it would be a terrible place to stop for a while. So you get this chapter instead, which doesn't have much to it. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

"We need to get out of here."

Kate raised an eyebrow at her partner, who sat in his chair fidgeting, as usual. It was almost as if they were on a normal case that had gotten boring – Castle lost attention and wanted to leave, but he would be too bored at home, so he decided to pester Kate until she found a way to keep him entertained. It happened all the time.

But this wasn't a normal case, and Kate couldn't just dismiss Castle and tell him to go home. Not this time. This time, she had to keep him by her side. Not that she minded much, him being around. In fact, she always felt better when he was with her. But right now, he looked agitated, and that worried Kate. With everything that had happened recently, she needed Castle to be calm and safe. So she looked up from her work and gave him a half smile.

"Are you suggesting I ditch the investigation?"

He blinked. "There's an investigation? I wasn't aware." There was a bitterness in his voice that surprised Kate. Castle didn't often sound bitter. The investigation was slow, if moving at all, but Castle knew that they were trying. He must have caught the look in her eyes, for he shook his head and smiled at her. "Sorry. I know. But really, we should get out the precinct for a while. Have some time to breathe."

Kate couldn't deny that having some time away from the murder board and the other detectives and all the expectations might be nice. And it was late – she couldn't see anything interesting happening at the precinct in the next few hours. She bit the bottom of her lip as she considered his offer. He was watching her intently, a soft look in his eyes. Kate cleared her throat. "Where would you suggest we go? Back to my place?"

Castle raised his eyebrows. "My, my, Detective Beckett, if that's what you were thinking..."

"Oh please, Castle." Kate rolled her eyes, but had to hide her grin. She had walked right into that. "Not my place, then, since you're still as immature as ever. Where?"

"For a drink? The Old Haunt?"

"A drink sounds great," she started, "But I'm not sure we should go to the Haunt... if the killer knows where you live, I'm sure he also knows that you own the bar."

Castle nodded. "Of course, but it's a public place, and I'll have you with me." He recognized the hesitation on Kate's face and continued, "Come on, Beckett. What better place is there to take a break from madness?"

Kate struggled with the idea for just a few more seconds and then nodded. A bright smile crossed Castle's face, one that made Kate's heart swell with hope. Even in the midst of all of this death, Castle could still smile like that. There must be some good in the world.

The writer stood and pulled his coat over his shoulders, and then held Kate's out to her. She let him wrap it around her and started towards the elevator. They walked in silence, as they did so often lately, but there seemed to be a more comfortable air between them this time. After several moments in the elevator, Castle turned to look at gave her that smile again – the one where his eyes crinkled and shined so very blue. He held a hand out to her and she took it wordlessly, a grin on her face.

"I already feel better." He said softly. They stepped out of the elevator and headed towards Kate's car.

"I'm glad you suggested this."

"We needed it." Kate looked at her feet, realizing how much she loved it when he said "we." It was a casual word. It didn't mean anything. But at the same time, it meant everything.

They got in Kate's car and started down the busy New York streets. Castle began to fiddle with the radio, and though Kate would usually slap his hand away at this point, she decided to let him be. The childish look of amusement on his face made up for the medley of terrible radio music that now filled her car.

He paused on a station and his face lit up as he recognized the song. It was a good one, Kate admitted, as she recognized the wonderful harmonies of Queen blasting through her speakers. Castle sat back in his seat and looked out the window, his finger tapping to the beat of the song. Soon, he started humming. Kate rolled her eyes, anticipating what was going to happen next.

"Each morning I get up I die a little..." Castle glanced over to Kate, as if asking her permission to sing. He had a goofy grin on her face that intensified when he saw her exasperated expression, and soon his singing had a little more confidence. "I have spent all my years believing in you, but I just can't get no relief, Lord!"

"Somebody..." A wide grin spread across Castle's face as Kate joined in.

"Somebody!" They sang together, slightly out of tune, but wildly happy. "Can anybody find me... somebody to love?" They continued their crazy chorus, belting out notes and making up words when they couldn't remember the lyrics. Castle even attempted to sing harmony.

When the song ended, a new kind of peace filled the car. The both smiled stupidly as they looked out on the passing lights of the city buildings at night. Kate breathed in deeply as she found a place to park, closing her eyes and relishing the comforting life of the city. Even though Kate saw the worst of New York, the death and the tragedy, she loved the city. She loved everything it represented, everything she felt when she walked through the quietly bustling streets.

Kate looked over at Castle to see her smile echoed on his face. It seemed perfect, the night and the smiling and the music. They walked into the bar arm in arm, their shoulders comfortably brushing. It felt right.

The young man tending the bar at the Old Haunt grinned brightly when he spotted the writer and detective. He swung the white cloth he was holding over his shoulder in the stereotypical bartender way and leaned on the bar, nodding to Castle.

"Good evening, Mr. Castle. What can I get for you?" Castle ordered drinks for the pair of them and then beamed at Kate.

"See? Perfect. I told you we should come here."  
>Kate took a small sip of her cocktail. "I can't say you were wrong."<p>

"Well, I'm never wrong, so..."

"Right. Forgot about that part." Kate didn't bother to hide her smile anymore. "Have you talked to Alexis lately?" The two hadn't spent more than three minutes apart in the last few days, so Kate knew the answer to her question already. But she wanted to see how Rick would tell her about Alexis, how he was handling his daughter's stress and how he was coping with not being able to see his family.

"Yeah. She's... worried. To say the least."

"How much have you told her about what's going on?"

"Enough to scare her, I guess. I tried to be gentle about it, to not give her the gruesome details. But she saw what was going on in our hall, at least a little bit. She knew it was serious. And there's only so much I can hide from her, you know? Alexis knows me better than anyone. She can tell when I'm upset."

"And that upsets her."

"Yeah." Castle sighed. "I tried to talk her through it, assure her that I'll be fine her with you. But... you know. She's scared for me. And I am scared, too; for her, for Mother. For you."

"And for yourself."

Castle looked up at her, his blue eyes sparkling with a depth that held little mirth. He looked down to his drink and the hands that held it, his brow furrowed. "Yeah."

There was silence between them for a moment, and then Kate looked up to Castle once more, her eyes gleaming. "Well, Castle," she said, raising her glass, "I will promise you one thing: tonight, you don't have to be scared. I'll keep watch over you and you can get as drunk as you please."

A bright smile crossed Castle's face as he clinked glasses with Kate. "That's what I like to hear."


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello, everybody! It's been a while, I know, but I'm back and excited to be writing again. So here's the latest chapter. It's a bit longer than usual and pretty important to the storyline... I'll have more to say afterwards. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

Castle closed his eyes, took a deep breath. In. Out. Air, life. Peace? He wasn't sure what peace was anymore. In fact, he was sure of very little.

He was sure of the precinct, of the bright lights here that shined so cruelly on the murder board as if they wanted to ensure that Castle couldn't forget how little they had learned about the case. He was sure of the detectives and the cops and the reporters on the street that kept stealing glances at him, whispering things like "it must be so hard" or "do you think he's scared?"

And he was sure of Beckett. Always. He knew that she was beside him at every point, ready to hold him up when he was about to fall, always prepared with words or a smile or a drink to make him feel better. Without her, Castle would be drowning. She was the only reason why he could keep smiling, especially now, as they sat at her desk, at an utter loss for a suspect.

No, Castle couldn't be sure of very much anymore. Not with the deep shadow of death following him everywhere he went.

He tried not to think about it, tried to look at this case like any other. But how could he? How would that be possible? This killer, the "Checkmate Killer" or whatever nonsense the press wanted to come up with, he had it out for Castle. He was hunting him. _Him. _This wasn't a game. This wasn't some cool crime novel that Castle couldn't wait to write. This was his _life._ And so Castle held on to his coffee cup and to Beckett in front of him, hoping beyond hope that it would be enough to get him through.

Beckett started typing something into her computer and Castle raised an eyebrow. It was about as hopeful as he could get anymore. "You find something?" He asked.

Beckett looked back at him with soft eyes and shook her head apologetically. "No. Just answering an email."

Castle looked at his hands. "Right. Of course."

Castle was losing it. Sitting here in the precinct, getting nowhere with the case, being unable to go anywhere alone, being bombarded constantly by anxious reporters – it was all too much. He took another deep breath, trying to gather himself. He had to get out of here. He had to be alone, to have some tiny sense of peace.

He needed to write.

It was a stupid idea, he knew. He shouldn't go back to his loft, where his laptop was. Beckett would never allow it. But what else was he to do? Writing was the only thing that could calm him down, his only way to make sense of the world.

_No, Rick, _he told himself, rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb. _You can't go back there. Go for a walk, clear your head. Don't go anywhere near the loft._

He stood. It was time to leave, now. Beckett looked up at him, a worried expression. Castle was tired of having people worry about him. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm going to get more coffee."

"In the break room?"

Castle shifted on his feet. "Er, no, actually. I was going to walk down to the coffee shop."

"Okay, I'll come with you." Beckett started to stand, but Castle held out his hands, motioning to her to stay still.

"Beckett… I need some time alone. Just a bit of time." She looked up at him, her brow furrowed. She definitely didn't look happy. "I'm sorry, I just –"

"Castle, you do understand how dangerous it is for you to go out alone?" Castle blinked at the pain he heard in her voice. She didn't want to keep him penned here, either.

"Of course I do, Kate. But God, I just… I need some space. Some room to breathe."

Beckett looked at him for a long moment. "You be careful." She said, giving him a death glare. "If anything happens during this 'outing,' I will hunt you down and personally ensure that you will never again have room to breathe. Got it?"

Rick smiled a bit at her threat. "Got it." He grabbed his coat. "Thanks, Beckett. Really."

"You have two hours, and as soon as you get wherever you're going, I want you to text me your location."

"Okay." Castle felt like a little kid again, being let loose for the first time. He gave Kate a weak smile and then turned to leave the precinct.

"Oh, and Castle?" The writer turned around. "You are _not _to go back to your loft, under any circumstances. Understand?"

"Of course."

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><p>Castle wandered down the streets of New York almost aimlessly – he had visited the coffee shop and then had taken some time sitting in a little park. It had been nice, but he was not yet ready to return to the precinct and face the reality of the case. According to Beckett's time limit, he had almost an hour to kill.<p>

And so he walked, enjoying the sound of cars rushing past, the medley of voices all around, the sound of his footsteps on the pavement. It lulled him into a bit of a trance as he traveled down the sidewalk, hands in the pockets of his pea coat. He didn't know where he was going, but he knew vaguely where he was, so he just blanked out and continued forward.

He tried not to think about the case, as it didn't help him relax any. But maybe he shouldn't be relaxed – there _was _a killer hunting for him. Maybe if he kept more on edge, he would stay alive longer. But he had been on edge for so long, now, and at such intensity that he could not take another second of it. He would collapse right here, on the sidewalk, and then the killer would have no problem getting to him.

So Castle tried to focus on other subjects. He thought about Alexis, but that just made him worried: worried that this killer would get to her, too, worried what would happen to her should he be killed. So he thought about his mother, but the same concerns came to mind. He wondered if Martha would be ready to take care of Alexis should he slip away. And that just made him even more stressed.

So he thought of Beckett. He didn't dwell on what would happen to her if this killer got him – he knew that it would destroy her. He also kept away from the thought of the killer finding her – that would definitely destroy him. A world without Kate… Castle blinked, the thought too disturbing to even finish.

No, instead, he would think about how lovely Kate was, about the way she bit her lip whenever she blushed and about the way her fingers would play with the fabric of her sleeve when she was thinking hard. He thought about her strength and her beautiful eyes, and it made him feel a little better, at least for the moment. And that's all he really needed.

Castle was drawn out of his thoughts when he noticed someone smiling at him. His pulse quickened and he glanced around, looking for a way to run. But then he looked back at the man smiling at him, and recognized the face. It was his doorman. What was his doorman doing here? Shouldn't he be back at Castle's building? Rick looked around, confused. And then he realized where he was standing.

How had he come to be right in front of his loft? He hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, and apparently his feet went on autopilot and brought him here. Castle wrung his hands together nervously, unsure of what to do. He wanted to go up. He couldn't deny that sitting in his loft, even if for just a few minutes, sounded wonderful. But he shouldn't. He _couldn't. _It was too dangerous, not to mention that Beckett would kill him.

But there were police outside, right? There were people watching his hall, watching his door, watching outside. There were officers posted all over the place, hidden, a couple of them out in the open. They were protecting him. He would be safe enough for a few minutes.

And so Castle took a deep breath and smiled to the doorman, walking into his building. The familiarity of the elevator greeted him as he pressed the button for his floor, hearing the dinging sound and closing his eyes, taking it in. Home. This was home. How had it become such a hostile space?

Castle clicked open the door to his loft and stepped inside. He shouldn't be doing this. He knew he shouldn't be. But as he looked around, all he could see was the friendly image of his loft, as it had always looked. A vase of flowers on the counters were wilted, now, and there were a couple dirty dishes in the sink. It was clear that nobody had been here in a few days, but it didn't make the sight any less welcoming to Castle's weary eyes.

He walked slowly through the living room and made his way to the study, leaning against the doorframe for a moment and looking around before taking a seat at his desk and booting up his laptop. It looked like he would get a chance to do some writing after all. He opened up his latest Heat draft and reread the last few pages of text. He looked at his watch – he had about forty minutes before he had to be back at the precinct. Plenty of time to get some writing done. As he began to type, he felt a sense of peace come over him almost immediately. Yes, this was exactly what he needed.

Rick wrote in silence for about ten minutes, and then he paused for a moment. Something felt… off. The peace he had felt had slipped away, somehow, and now he felt like…

He felt like he was being watched. Castle glanced up from the computer screen for a split second, and his suspicions were confirmed.

There was someone in his apartment.

The hairs on Castle's neck stood on end as he stared at the bright screen in front of him. He wouldn't stop typing – he didn't want the figure in his doorway to know that he had noticed him. Not yet. He had a few things to write down. He swallowed hard, trying to keep breath flowing in and out of his body. Why was that so difficult? He felt a thin trail of sweat drip down his brown, and he tried to contain the terror. He stole another glance back at the figure leaning against the doorframe. It was a tall man, thin, dressed in all black. He was smiling, staring at Castle.

Suddenly, the fear ebbed away. It was replaced with a sort of resignation, a weary acceptance. Seeing the face of this man who had been hunting him, Castle finally understood.

He was going to die.

Castle greeted the fact as if it were an old friend. He shook hands with his fate and continued to type, hoping that the words he was writing now would tie up any loose ends. There were so many things he never got the chance to say. He blinked several times and his fingers stilled. He would accept his fate, sure, but he wasn't going to go down without a fight.

He looked up to the man in the doorway.

"Who the hell are you?"

The man's smile got a little brighter. His arms were crossed across his chest as he leaned against the doorframe. It was a casual pose, and it infuriated Castle.

"I figured you would already know, Mr. Castle."

Rick narrowed his eyes. "Get out of my apartment."

The man gave a little chuckle. "Nice try. Really, I can hear the hatred in your voice." He stood up and took a few steps forward, until he reached the corner of Castle's desk. He leaned against it with the heel of his hand and inclined his head a bit towards Rick. "But you see, I came here for a reason. And frankly, your hatred is not at all frightening to me."

In a fit of rage, Castle lashed out, punching the man square in the jaw. He was seated, though, so by the time he had stood to continue his fight, the man had recovered and had grabbed a hold of Castle. The Checkmate Killer lowered his face towards Castle's, leaving very little space between them.

"Now, that was inappropriate, don't you think?" He rubbed his tender jaw with his free hand. Castle tried to squirm out of his grip, but it was ironclad. "Mr. Castle, let me tell you something. I'm not the kind of person who fails. Ever. Especially in matters such as this. Now, don't get me wrong, you and your pretty friend have put up a fair fight. You really have." He raised his eyebrows as if considering something. "Well, except for maybe the fact that you had not the slightest clue where to find me, and also the fact that you're bringing your beloved Precinct a great deal of negative press. Oh, and there's the fact that I've got you now. So maybe you and your detective aren't the best chess players. It's no fault of yours. And I'm fine with that, really. The game was fun while it lasted, but I'm happy to let it go. I've got you now. Though it's a shame I couldn't snag the girl, too…"

At that statement, Castle summoned all of the strength he could muster and crashed his forehead into that of the other man. Sharp, shooting pain spread through Castle's head and he winced. Perhaps not the best idea in the world. The pain was echoed in the other man, though, as the killer staggered backward, eyes shut tight in agony. Castle moved forward to attempt to pin him down, but the killer's eyes snapped open and he surged forward.

"That's enough of you."

Castle felt a sharp pain in the back of his head, and then the world went black.

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><p><strong>And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was a very odd one for me to write. It's the first time (in this story, at least) that I've written from Castle's point of view. Though I wanted this story to remain entirely from Kate's perspective, I'm sure you can understand why I had to write this chapter from Castle's. Also, I hope you can take the leap of faith with me that Castle returned to his apartment. I know that in all likelihood, he would never be that stupid. Not to mention Kate would never let him. But it was an important advancement of the story, and I hope that I made it believable enough. And don't worry! Castle is not dead, and the story is not even close to being over. The next few chapters are going to be pretty angsty (as if the rest of it hasn't been angsty enough), but we'll be back to the normal pace of things soon. Well, as normal as they're going to get. I'm still not quite sure about this chapter, so if you could leave a review with your opinion, I would love you forever. :)<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello! Sorry about the wait on this... I've been in a really anti-angst mood. Writing angst, lately, has just put me in terrible spirits, so I've been putting off this chapter. I will continue, I promise, it just might take a while. Also, I've started writing a new Castle story (one that is extremely fluffy, I might add) that I'm _really _excited about. I'll have the first chapter posted soon, and I would love it if you could all check it out!**

**Anyway, this is a shorter chapter, and not a ton happens, but it is still pretty important to the plot. It would make my day if you guys could leave a review, let me know what you think.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 11<br>**

Kate tapped her pen against her desk, trying not to stare at the clock. It was only a couple minutes after two, the time that Castle was supposed to return, but she was already starting to get worried. Hell, she had never _not _been worried. He was Castle, and he was in danger. Of course she could think about nothing but him. Nothing but his safety, of course. Because she certainly wasn't thinking about his adorably ruffled hair when he woke up in her apartment. Or his brilliant smile when they said goodnight and then proceeded to stare at each other for another five minutes.

The last week had been hellish. There was no doubt about that. It made Kate's heart ache to see Castle so afraid – the only comparable feeling was how worried she had been when her father started drinking. Was that how close she and Castle had become? That the intensity of her feelings for him matched that of her concern for her father after Johanna's murder? It was a frightening, the fact that he had become such an important part of her life.

But as much their closeness scared Kate, it scared her even more that at the moment, Castle was far away. She had received a few text messages from him over the last couple of hours, but her phone hadn't buzzed at all in the past half hour. She stared at it for a moment, as if willing it to ring and let her know that Castle was on his way back to her. After a few seconds of silence, she picked it up.

_You coming home soon, honey?_

Kate hoped that the text was out of character enough to make it sound like she wasn't worried out of her mind. But knowing Castle, he would see right through her. A few minutes passed and the speed in which Kate's pen tapped the desk increased.

_Seriously Castle, where are you?_

When her message went unanswered yet again, Kate tried not to panic. She called him a couple times, and when he didn't answer, she took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Castle would never ignore her calls. Not at a time like this.

She stood and beckoned to Esposito and Ryan as she started towards the stairs.

"Castle's missing," she said quickly, "He's not answering his cell. We need to find him. Now."

They hurried down the stairs as Kate told the boys where Castle had last contacted her. She sent them off in that direction while climbing into her own car, headed towards his loft.

She had told him not to go back there. If something had happened to him there, she couldn't… No. _No, Kate. _Beckett furrowed her brow and flicked on her siren. "I'm coming, Castle." She said softly.

She called for backup as she approached Castle's apartment. Leaping out of the car, she whipped out her gun and raced in the front door of the building. The doorman watched her approach with a frightened look of surprise, jumping back as she passed him, gun held firmly in both hands. She hesitated for a split second, trying to decide whether it would be faster to go up the stairs or the elevator. She opted for the stairs, knowing that she would not be able to stay still for the elevator ride.

The door to Castle's loft was open. She called out his name as she kicked open the door, and when there was no response she entered the room with her gun held high. "NYPD!" She called, clearing the living room and then progressing to the kitchen and the office. There was no one in the apartment. But still, something was wrong.

Kate stood still in the office, trying to calm her racing heart. She looked around and saw that Castle's laptop was open, a few papers scattered across his desk. She couldn't be certain, but she didn't think that those papers were there when they had closed off his apartment. And the chair was wheeled back, several feet away from the desk, as if he had gotten up in a hurry.

Kate's pulse quickened as she noticed two dark spots on the carpet. She knelt down to take a closer look and realized her fear: it was blood. She stood and took a deep breath. There was no bloody body on the floor, so Kate could have hope that Castle was still alive. She had to. She turned and examined the desk once more. And then she saw it, the clear sign that the Checkmate Killer had been here. Two chess pieces sat upon Castle's desk – a rook toppled over on its side and a knight, standing tall above it.

Kate leaned against the desk, her head cloudy. She had lost him. She had lost her Castle. She felt tears well up in her eyes and didn't bother to hold them back as she cast an incredulous gaze around the loft. How could he be gone?

As the officers flooded through the doorway, Kate simply stood there. She didn't hear their voices as they walked through the scene, as they went upstairs to check for people, as they went outside to discover that the officer guarding the fire escape was lying dead with his neck snapped. She barely registered Esposito and Ryan approaching her, holding her by the shoulders and guiding her out of the loft. It all passed in a haze.

Castle was gone.

* * *

><p>Kate stared at the phone, hoping it would ring. Hoping there would be some sign from him, hoping that he would come in the door at any moment, coffee in his hands and a goofy grin on his face. But he wasn't here.<p>

She had called Martha and Alexis about fifteen minutes ago and asked them to come down to the station. They would be here any minute. What was she supposed to say to them? How could she find the words to tell them that she had lost their Castle?

The last few hours had passed like a dream – Kate had not yet got over the shock that Castle was gone. She needed to find him.

A uniform approached her desk. "The Castle family is here, Detective."

Kate nodded and rose, slowly, walking towards the conference room where Martha and Alexis had just been seated. She felt her heart ache at their confused faces as she sat down opposite them.

"Kate, darling, what is going on?"

"Where's my dad?"

Kate took a deep breath, gathering herself. "Castle is missing." Alexis' eyes went wide with fear and Martha clutched her chest, an incredulous expression on her face.

"What do you mean, missing?"

"He returned to the loft today, and when I tried to call him, I couldn't reach him. When I arrived at the apartment, he was… he was gone."

There was silence for a moment. "Are you…" Alexis blinked. "Are you sure the Checkmate guy got him? Are you sure he's not just out on a walk or something?"

"We're sure, Alexis. I'm so sorry."

The girl was quiet. Kate could see the tears welling up in her eyes, but refusing to fall. She admired the girl's strength, but wondered at it. Kate had barely been able to keep herself from crying in the last few hours.

"He's… We believe that he is still alive." Kate cleared her throat. "And I promise you, both of you, that I will do everything I possibly can to bring him back to us."

Martha stared at her hands, folded on the table. "Oh, Rick."

"You'll bring him back." Alexis said, looking up at Kate, hope in her eyes.

Kate nodded. Could she promise this to Alexis? Or would that just be more cruel? "I won't rest until I do." That was a promise she could make.

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><p>Kate stood in the middle of the loft. She wasn't exactly sure what had brought her back here, but she knew that she had to find something else, something to bring her back into this case. There was no way that this killer was <em>so <em>good. It was impossible. Everybody slips up – they would find him. They would find Castle.

She made her way to the middle of his study, looking around at the books and the rubble on the desk. It was so _Castle _in this room. So him. She needed him. She cast a glance at his laptop. It was still plugged in, still powered on. Without thinking about it, she woke the computer up to reveal a word document open on the desktop.

Kate figured it was the latest Nikki Heat, and as she began to read it she realize that her assumption had been correct. Nikki was making her way through some back alley, gun held high, Rook at her side. Just like always. Kate found herself smiling slightly at the familiar characters, the familiar words of Castle's writing. But then, there was a break in the text. And something altogether unfamiliar. Kate read on.

_Kate._

_ There's someone in my apartment. He's standing in the doorway of my office, watching me. I think he's waiting for me to notice him. He thinks I'm still writing, so I've got time to get this message down. I know you'll find it. You're good at things like that. _

_ I'm quite certain I'll be facing my death in a matter of moments. It's inevitable, at this point. But you know what? I'm not really bothered by that. I won't go down without a fight, of course. I'll take this bastard for all he's worth. But when I lose this battle (as I likely will), I'll be ready to face my fate. I welcome death, now. _

_ Well, I don't welcome death _quite _yet. There are things that need to be said, things that I wish so desperately that I could have said to your face. These are not the words I would have chosen, nor the way in which I would have said them, but I suppose they will have to do. _

_ I love you, Kate._

_ You give me strength, you give me wisdom. You've reminded me what it really is to live. And when I see you, every day, when I bring you coffee and watch you fill out your paperwork or bite your lip in the direction of the murder board, I feel like I'm home. You are extraordinary, as have been these three wonderful years I've spent with you. They were not long enough._

_ I won't ask you now to take care of Alexis, because I know you will. You always would. But I will ask one thing of you, Kate. And that is to let her know how much she is loved. You, of all people, will understand what she will go through after I am gone. _

_ One last thing, and then I must greet my fate. I want you to be happy, Kate. I want you to find someone to share your life with, to dive into it with. You deserve that much. _

_ You have all of my love, for the rest of my life. _

_ Always,_

_ Rick_

Kate took a gasping breath, reading the words again. And again. The tears flowed freely now, running down her cheeks with abandon. Regret and grief crushed Kate, flattened her and made her speechless. He loved her. He _loved _her. She had always known that, deep down, but now he was gone, somewhere unknown, loving her and not knowing if she loved him back.

Because she _did. _She loved him fiercely, loved him with every ounce of fire she had left in her. And she needed him back.

"I'm coming, Rick."

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><p><strong>There you have it. A review would make me the happiest person alive!<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everybody! Yes, it's true, I _finally _have another chapter of this story done! I'm really sorry it's taken me so long. Also, I want to give a big thanks to everybody who has reviewed and otherwise supported this story; it's been really hard for me to write this lately but with every review I am reminded of why I should keep going.**

**A couple of warnings: first of all, this chapter is a little more violent than my past chapters. Nothing too graphic, all in the T rating, but still, there is blood. Also, there is an F-bomb dropped in here. I don't want to offend anyone, so if this sounds like too much for you kindly skip over the parts of this chapter that are in Castle's point of view.**

**Anyway, enjoy! And please let me know what you think!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

Castle blinked. He wasn't sure where he was, but he knew that he couldn't move. He knew that his hands were tied. His ankles, too, were bound to something. He was sitting in a chair. He blinked again, trying to see through the blinding pain that was pounding in his head. Why did everything hurt? Why couldn't he move?

He pulled against his bindings, struggling to find his way to freedom. It was dark, wherever he was. He was surrounded by grey walls. And these bindings were so _tight. _Castle stopped struggling after a moment, taking a deep breath and focusing on where he was. There were desks all around, but they were empty. A couple of windows were taped up on the wall across from him – no light came through.

An abandoned office building, maybe? Castle couldn't see any other sign of life in the area. He tried to move his chair, now, but found that doing so got him nowhere. He had to focus his brain power on this problem, not his instincts. Think, Castle. Think.

The Checkmate Killer had brought him here. The scumbag had knocked Castle out and then dragged him to this place, tied him up, and left him. Castle couldn't understand why.

Why had the killer targeted Castle? Why had he killed so many people just to get to the writer? Castle had seen his face; he didn't recognize him. So why was it that all of this man's actions were centered around capturing Castle?

He needed to find Kate. He needed to tell her where he was, to come up with some clever code that only she would understand, like they did in the movies. He needed her to come save the day. He needed to tell her that he loved her.

Sitting there alone, Castle vaguely wondered if Kate had found his message. It was a long shot, certainly, but it wasn't unreasonable to think that the detective would stumble upon his letter to her. He hoped she had. But at the same time, the thought of her reading those words, alone and undoubtedly upset, had Castle's heart tearing in two. Kate shouldn't have to deal with this. She shouldn't have to take this pain.

It was with this thought in his mind that Castle made a promise to himself: he would find a way out. He would fight to the death if he had to. Anything, to get back to his life and his Kate.

There was a clanging sound behind Castle. He used all of his force to move the chair around so he could see what was going on behind him. There, with a sickening smile, stood the Checkmate Killer. He approached Castle slowly, strutting haughtily until he stood before the writer, a smug look on his face.

"Well, good morning, Mr. Castle. It's nice to see that you've finally joined us." The sound of the man's voice filled Castle with utter hatred.

"Where am I?"

He smiled. "You think I'm going to answer that question, Mr. Castle? You're a crime novelist. I suspected that you would understand the mind of a villain a little better."

Castle narrowed his eyes. "Is that what this is about? You want to feel like a villain? Why are you doing this?"

"Well, I'll tell you one thing – It's certainly not for the pleasure of your company."

"Beckett's going to find you. She'll hunt you down. You won't be able to escape."

"Hmm. Beckett. I'm not too worried about her, actually. She's not a very good chess player, it seems."

Castle's glare intensified. "She's the best chess player there's ever been. Who the hell are you?"

The man observed him for a moment, his lips pursed. "You really don't know. I'm not surprised – you were never one to notice, anyway. Prancing around with your money and your fame, oblivious to the rest of the world."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're pathetic, Richard Castle." Castle said nothing, but continued to aim a steely glare in the direction of the killer. The other man began to pace. "Come on, writer. Use your words. I know you want to speak." And still Castle was quiet. "Fine, then. I'll speak for you. You think I'm insane. You think I'm some crazy fan who has become desperately obsessed with you. That's your theory, right? That's the story your giant ego thought up?"

A fire started deep inside of Castle. This man did _not _know him. "No, in fact. That's not at all what I think. You see, as a writer, I've always been pretty good at reading people. I can see you, now. I can see how much you hate me. I don't understand why, but I see it there, behind your eyes. You're angry." The killer stopped pacing and stood still in front of Castle, his eyes burning. "And you're greedy. You want to feel power. You want to be in control, to be the villain. To be the bad guy that everyone is chasing. And that's what makes you weak."

The killer's eyes flashed, and he bent low to the ground. In one swift movement, he grabbed a long, thick metal pipe and swung it towards Castle and struck him with what felt like the force of a thousand champion heavyweights.

Oh, the pain. It hit him hard, took his breath. Light exploded behind Castle's eyes as he cried out, filling the dark room with the sound of his agony. The metal rod hit him again in the abdomen, and again. Over and over, the killer beat him with the metal stick. Castle couldn't function, couldn't see or breathe. He could only feel. The pain. The stinging, cutting, mind-bending pain. Castle felt like he would pass out if it didn't stop.

Finally, the killer stepped away from Castle, who was bent over in utter anguish, struggling to breathe. The Checkmate Killer let the pipe hit the ground with a clang that echoed throughout the building. The only other noise was the sound of Castle's labored breaths.

"You don't know me, Richard Castle." The man's voice was cold, measured. Venomous. "You would do well to remember that."

* * *

><p>Kate sat in her desk, staring forward. Thinking. Breathing. She needed to keep breathing. The captain had tried to take her off of the case, but Montgomery had known from the second he called her into his office that it was a lost cause. It was her partner out there. Of course she was going to spend every waking moment looking for him. So she sat now, staring at the little evidence they had, trying to find a hole.<p>

Lanie approached, a soft look on the doctor's face. She had the foresight not to sit in Castle's chair; she simply leaned against Kate's desk and crossed her arms.

"Kate. Look at me."

Kate raised her eyes, glaring. "What, Lanie? I'm trying to work."

"I know. That's the problem, girl. You've been working for the past twenty-four hours without a single break."

"So?"

"So, you're not going to find him that way." Lanie leaned in close, lowered her voice. "I know you're hurting, Kate. I get it. But you and I both know that burning yourself out like this is not going to help Castle."

Kate rubbed her hands through her hair, letting out a long breath. She didn't need to hear this, but Lanie… Lanie was right. Kate closed her eyes for a brief moment and then looked up at her friend. "Lanie, I can't just… I can't just stop looking for him. I – I need to do _something._"

Kate looked down at her hands and Lanie watched her for a long moment, as if considering her. "You really love him, don't you."

It wasn't a question. Kate looked up at Lanie, keeping a level gaze as she grasped for words.

And then her phone rang.

It could have been Esposito or Ryan, it could have been a uniform with information, it could have even been Alexis. Or, it could have been Castle. And that thought, that one fleeting hope that filled her with the first positive emotion she had felt in days, sent her flying towards her phone, reaching to press the talk button and find out who was on the other side.

"Beckett."

"Hello, Detective Beckett." The words were spoken with great measure, sending chills down Beckett's spine. Lanie raised an eyebrow at Kate's reaction, and the detective motioned to Ryan and Esposito, communicating to them to start tracing the call. Maybe they could find something. Maybe they could find Castle.

"Who is this?"

A laugh. "I really don't understand why everybody thinks I'll answer that question."

"You're the Checkmate Killer."

"The one and only."

"Do you have Castle?"

He made a disappointed noise. "Unfortunately. He's a stubborn one, this Castle. I don't think he likes me very much."

Kate shifted on her feet. He had Castle. Castle was _alive. _"Let me talk to him."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Detective."

"Then why did you call?"

"Oh, no reason, really. It's just, we've never spoken, you and I. And Castle here, he won't shut up about you. Guess I just wanted to know the brilliant detective he keeps talking about."

"I will find him. I will find you."

"That's what he seems to think, too." There was silence for a moment. "But, Detective, I would like to let you know something – you will never find me. I will continue to run, to outsmart you. You can toil forever. You won't catch me."

"I'll take that as a challenge."

He laughed. "Well, in that case –"  
>Suddenly, Kate heard another voice on the other line. A very familiar voice. "Kate!" Castle shouted, his voice sounding strained. Kate's heart leapt into her throat. "Kate, I'm in an abandoned office building. The windows are taped up, the –"<br>An agonizing cry filled Kate's senses as Castle's words were cut off. The writer screamed out in pain, and Kate felt her pulse quicken as she leaned forward, eyes wide. "Castle! Castle, talk to me! Castle!"

And the line went dead.

* * *

><p>Castle was woken by a warm, sticky fluid trickling down his fingers. He looked down, confused by the haze of pain, and noticed that his wrists were cut and bleeding from struggling against his restraints. Castle took in a deep breath, regretting that the brief peace unconsciousness had given him was now gone. He shifted his leg and winced, remembering what had happened before he passed out.<p>

The killer had stabbed him hard in the thigh, ripping the blade of his knife through Castle's flesh like butter. It had made a sickening sound, Castle remembered, but the worst part was the sharp, unrelenting pain that still throbbed from the wound. The killer had wrapped a cloth around it, saying something about not wanting Castle to lose too much blood.

But it _hurt. _It hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. Castle's ribs felt like they had been grinded into dust, his head was misty, and now his leg felt like it had been cut off with a sword. He had never felt so much pain in his life.  
>He closed his eyes tightly, trying to find some sort of escape from the pain. Kate. He pictured her face, her smile. The sound of her voice. She would be looking for him, right? She had heard what he had shouted to her? Castle didn't know if it would help, but he had to hold on to some hope. And Kate… she was brilliant. She would figure things out. She always did.<p>

A throbbing pain in Castle's stomach intensified until finally he was buckled over, vomiting. When the retching subsided, Castle wiped his mouth and noticed that he had just heaved up not vomit, but a great deal of blood. It pooled at the bottom of his chair now.

"That can't be good," Castle muttered, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes.

Castle concentrated on breathing and listening, trying desperately to ignore the throbbing in his leg and the aching in his chest. He heard footsteps behind him and clenched his teeth, readying himself for whatever would come next.

"What do you want?" Castle said, pouring as much venom into his voice as he could.

"Ah, you're awake. How do you feel?"

"Fantastic."

The killer snorted. "I think I might be able to fix that." Castle winced in anticipation as the killer sent a flying punch to the side of Castle's face. Stars burst behind his eyes as his head was tossed forward, blood pooling in his mouth. He spat, trying to regain his strength. "How does that feel?" The killer asked.

Castle looked up at the Checkmate Killer without raising his head, struggling to find the power to speak. "F-Fuck you." He said, teeth clenched.

And the killer laughed. He threw back his head and laughed. A violent anger rose up inside of Castle at the sound of that laugh and the writer surged forward in his chair, attempting to launch himself at the killer. Castle started to yell; a loud, forceful scream rose up in his throat and exploded in the direction of the man who was standing in front of him. How dare he laugh? How dare he sit there, in his black clothes and smug grin, and laugh at Castle's pain?

Castle wanted all the fires of hell to rain down upon this man. He wanted the scream that was filling the room to burst the killer's ear drums and he wanted to be set free of his restraints so he could leap upon the killer and make him feel all of the pain he had made Castle feel. He tried to fight, tried to move forward, tried to give this man what he deserved.

But it didn't work.

Castle gasped, feeling the effects of his explosion on his body. He sunk back in the chair he was bound to, blinking and breathing. And then it hit him. He was stuck here, in this warehouse. What if Kate couldn't find him? What if he was left here with this man, forever? For the rest of his life, that is. And how long would that last? Would he beaten to death in the next few hours, or the next few months?

He would never see Alexis again. He would never get to hear her laugh or see her innocent smile. He wouldn't be there when she graduated college, when she got married. He would miss so much.

And Kate. Kate would never really know how he felt. She may have read it in his letter, but that wasn't the same. He wished he could have seen her eyes as he told her that he loved her. He wished that they could have had a future together.

Castle looked back to the killer. The man had taken so much from Castle, but the writer wasn't ready to stop fighting yet. "What do you want with me?" He asked, steeling his resolve and lifting his head so that his eyes were even with the killer's.

"What do I want? To teach you a lesson, Mr. Castle."

"And what would that be? How to be a crazy lunatic?"

The killer snorted. "Funny. Really." He leaned against a desk. "But wrong. I'm here to teach you some humility, Castle."

"And you're going about that by beating me up? I don't know what you though was going to happen, but that's just making me pissed off, not humble."

He rolled his eyes. "Just you wait, Mr. Castle."

"You don't even know me."

The killer stood and leaned towards Castle, a sudden fire in his eyes. "I've seen you almost every day for the past three years. And yet you have no idea who I am. That, Mr. Castle, is why I am doing this. You're never going to forget who I am, now."

Castle was quiet. Amazed. Had he really seen this man before? He didn't recognize him. He didn't have any idea who he was, other than the crazy Checkmate Killer who had tied him to a chair and beat the shit out of him. All this man wanted was to be recognized. Castle almost felt guilty, but then he looked up at the killer and was reminded that to be recognized, this man had killed several innocent people and had hunted Castle down. There was no reason to feel guilty.

"Why the chess routine?" Castle said, trying to understand the killer's motivation. Maybe he would have a chance to talk to Kate again, communicate information that could lead her to this madman.

The killer leaned back again, more relaxed with this line of questioning. "I like a good game."

"So, do you feel like you've won, now?"

"There's no one coming for you, Castle. You're stuck here until I see fit to do what I will with you. So yes, I feel as though I've won."

Castle swallowed hard, hoping to God that the killer was wrong.

* * *

><p>The Precinct was a flurry of activity. Kate felt like she was treading water. People kept coming up to her, speaking, explaining things, but all Kate could hear was Castle's scream as the line went dead. She had felt reassured for a moment, hearing his voice, but now she was more fearful than ever. If Castle had been seriously hurt, he may not have much time left.<p>

Kate now had a direction to go, though. For that, she was grateful. Her team had identified all of the abandoned office buildings with taped windows in this part of the city. There were eight in total. She sent uniforms to each, telling them to canvas around the area and see if anybody had seen anything suspicious. She didn't want them barging into the buildings – if they messed this up it could mean Castle's life.

An officer (Kate vaguely registered it as Officer Hastings, but she didn't really care at this point) approached Kate and handed her a file. Kate immediately opened it and began reading, but the officer hesitated.

"Detective," She asked with a small voice, "I… I just wanted to offer my sympathy. I know this must be very hard for you."  
>Kate looked up at the uniform, surprised. "Thanks, but I don't have much use for sympathy right now. I'd rather focus on finding my partner."<br>The officer nodded shyly and walked away. Kate turned back to her file, but was interrupted once more as Esposito came running through the bullpen, cell phone in hand.

"Kate!"

"Did you find it?"

Esposito stopped in front of her desk, nodding. "Officers say that a couple of people in the apartment next to the old Wrighton office space have heard some strange noises and saw a man entering the building in the last couple of days."

"Let's go."

Hope welled up in Kate's chest as they drove to the scene, mixing with the dread of what she might find when she arrived. They leapt out of their cars quickly, strapping on vests. Kate approached the door of the building, gun in hand, Ryan and Esposito flanking her.

Ryan nodded his head. "You ready?"

Kate took a deep breath. "Yeah."

And she kicked down the door.

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><p><strong>Please don't hate me for ending it there. The next update will be quicker, I promise! I'd love to hear what you think. :)<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! I finally have another chapter for you. It was actually a really difficult one for me to write... and I'm still not really that happy with how it turned out, but I really didn't want to edit anymore and I know you guys were all waiting for an update, so here it is. Hopefully it is good! I would love to hear what you think.**

**In other words, thank you SO MUCH to all of you who have reviewed. I've never had such great reception to a story before and it definitely makes my day every time I see that I have a new review. Thank you a million times!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 13<br>**

Kate surged forward into the dark, gun held high. If Castle was here, she would find him. Her boys were on either side, screaming their trademark "NYPD!"s. They hoofed over the cluttered floor of the abandoned office building, their eyes adjusting to the dark.

And then Kate saw him.

Castle was slumped in a chair across the room from her, his head hanging. From where she was, Kate couldn't tell if he was moving. She glanced briefly at her detectives and they nodded, moving on to clear the warehouse while Kate ran as fast as she could over to her lost partner.

As soon as she could make out the erratic rise and fall of his chest, Kate let out a relieved breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She closed the distance between them in a few hasty strides and slid up to him, kneeling. She stared at him for one heartbeat, and he looked up at her, his blue eyes dull.

Kate had never seen a sight so painful.

Castle didn't look like himself – he didn't look like the happy, carefree writer who was always pulling Kate's pigtails. He looked broken, defeated. There was blood everywhere, all over him, all over the floor. Castle's hair was mussed and his clothes ragged, falling off of him. Kate quickly cut off his hand restraints and then launched herself forward, wrapping Castle in a tight hug. She needed to feel him. To know that he was there, alive.

"Oh, Castle."

She felt him hiss in pain and immediately tensed, letting go of him. He blinked and raised a hand to her face, slowly, as if he wasn't quite sure if she was actually there. He looked so… lost.

"Castle, we're gonna get you out of here." She cupped his bruised and bloody face in her hands, searching his eyes. Hoping that he understood.

"Kate." He let out a long breath. "Kate, he's gone. He's not here."

As if on cue, Ryan and Esposito came running back towards Kate. "No sign of him."

Kate nodded and looked back at Castle. "That doesn't matter. We'll find him. Right now, we've got to get you out of here." She bent down and cut off his ankle bindings and then turned back to him. "The ambulance is on its way, Castle." There was a moment of heavy silence between them, and then several EMTs came rushing in the building, wheeling in a gurney.

Kate wished she could avert her eyes while the EMTs slowly lifted Castle out of the chair and into the gurney. He cried out - something that she knew he wouldn't do unless it was truly agonizing pain. He squeezed his eyes shut and clamped his hands over his stomach. Suddenly he lurched to one side, vomiting. Vomiting blood. It splashed on the floor, mixing with the darker red of the dried blood. Kate swallowed hard, moving forward to run a hand through Castle's hair.

"It… hurts." He said, breathing heavily and turning on his back. "God, it hurts."

"I know. It will be better soon."

He looked back at her, his eyes incredibly blue, even in their pained state. "Will you stay with me?"

Kate gave him a watery smile, clasping his hand in hers. "I'm not going anywhere."

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><p>The hospital was so very white, so very clean. It made Kate sick just to be there. She sat in an uncomfortable chair, hands clasped. She hadn't moved for the past two hours. They had bussed Castle into the emergency room as quickly as possible, and the doctors had taken him away in a rush of words Kate didn't understand.<p>

About an hour ago, a surgeon with a face mask hanging around his neck came to give her an update. By that time, Alexis and Martha had already shuffled in, wide eyed and silent as they sat by Kate, waiting. The doctor smiled at the three of them and began to speak gently, informing them that they found some internal bleeding and were working on patching it up.

Kate was no doctor, but she figured that internal bleeding couldn't be good. After the doctor left, she simply sat, staring forward, trying to breathe. All she could see was him, beaten and bloody, tied to that damn chair. His eyes so dull.

He had looked so bad – worse than Kate had seen in a long time. And she had seen a lot. Castle was such a spirited person, but he had looked completely defeated. Even the brief spark in his eyes when he had first seen had only lasted for one fleeting moment. Kate wanted to see it again.

Another doctor padded quickly down the hallway, white shoes squeaking as they tromped against the tiled floor. "Family of Richard Castle?" She said, looking around with raised eyebrows. Kate stood and felt Martha and Alexis stand beside her. She briefly realized that she wasn't quite "family," but she needed to know. She didn't care about titles right now – as far as she was concerned, Castle was her partner and the love of her life, and she needed to know that he was okay.

If he was okay. An enormous lump formed in Kate's throat as she leaned forward, eager to hear the doctor's words.

"Mr. Castle is out of surgery now. He has sustained some serious injuries. He was beaten pretty badly. But we got the bleeding under control, and he should be fine but for some major pain. We'll keep him here for a day or two to monitor him, and he will need to be looked after when we do release him. He's still under form the anesthetic, but you can go see him now."

Martha and Alexis thanked the doctor and immediately proceeded towards the room where Castle had been placed. Kate stopped, suddenly standing alone in the middle of the waiting room. She wanted nothing more than to run into Castle's room, grab his hand, and never let go. But she needed to give his family a moment with him. They had been on the outside the entire time, waiting and not understanding what was going on. They deserved this much.

But God, it was hard to wait there. She sat back down again, holding her head in her hands, trying to get a hold of herself. Alexis didn't need to see her cry. She was Detective Beckett, the strong one. She had to be strong.

It seemed like hours before Martha and Alexis came back into the waiting room, looking somber. But as defeated as they looked, their eyes were definitely brighter than before they went to see him. Martha approached Kate slowly and sat beside her, wrapping an arm around the detective.

"Go see him, Kate."

She looked up, surprised. "Is he… awake?"

"No. Not yet."

"Don't you want to stay with him until he wakes up?"

Martha looked over at Alexis and then back to Kate. "Between you and me, you look like you might fall apart if you don't see him soon. We had our time with him. Just call us when you're done."

Alexis took a step forward. "The… the man who did this is still out there, right?"

Kate breathed in deeply, feeling awful for the teenager. "He is."

"So… we can't go home."

"I'm sorry, Lex." Kate was surprised at the nickname – it just slipped out. She looked up with at the girl with pleading eyes. "It's probably best if you go back to the safe house, or maybe even a different safe house. I don't want anything happening to you."

Alexis nodded seriously and then looked back in the direction of Castle's room. "You'll take care of him?"

Kate gave Alexis a watery smile. "I always will."

The two women each gave Kate a tight hug and then headed out of the hospital, towards the police guard that was waiting for them in the doorway. Kate rose to her feet and took a long breath, starting towards Castle's room. Most of her wanted to run swiftly to his side, but a part of her wanted to hang back. What if he looked like death? What if he didn't want to see her? What if he wasn't the same person who had left her just a couple of days ago?

In the end Kate's desire to see his face won out over her doubt, and she pushed the door to his room open. And there he was – unconscious and covered in bandages, but alive and breathing. The lines on the heart monitor kept Kate on her feet as she gazed at him. He looked so broken, laying there. So alien. Was this the Castle she knew and loved?

She sat in the chair beside him and took his hand, wrapping it in both of hers. She needed to feel his warmth, to watch the rise and fall of his chest, to hear the steady pulse of the heart monitor. She needed to know that he was alive.

She wasn't sure how much time passed as she sat there, silently watching him. He looked so small, wrapped up in bandages and bruised all over. Kate tried to look deep inside of him, to find the handsome man that she was used to seeing there.

Castle's eyes opened slowly, fluttering and adjusting to the light without a sound. Kate watched him, her pulse quickening, until he finally looked over to her. She felt his hand give hers a feeble squeeze, and a wide smile broke out across her face.

"Hey, Castle." Her voice was soft, but it seemed to fill the small white room with entirely too much noise.

Castle's smile was small but bright as he blinked at her, an amazed look in his eyes. "Kate." It came out like a breath of air, raspy and pained but also refreshing, life-giving. His gaze flickered down to their joined hands and then back up to her. Kate used a call button on the side of his bed to let one of the doctors know that he had woken up.

"How are you feeling?"

Taking a long breath, Castle lifted his head and shifted as much as he could to sit up a little straighter, wincing as he did so. "It… I'm okay."

The doctor came in then, greeting Castle and Kate. She recognized him from earlier – he was one of the ER doctors who had run alongside his gurney when they had brought him in. Last time the doctor had seen Kate, she had been crying and worried out of her mind. He didn't acknowledge that, thankfully, and looked over to Castle, explaining what had happened and what it would be like in the next few days.

"You will need some looking after once you're out of the hospital, Mr. Castle."

Kate nodded. "He'll be staying with me." At this, Castle looked over at her, a bemused expression on his face. The doctor looked over to him for affirmation.

"What she says."

"Alright, then. I'll leave you two alone. Call if anything comes up and try to get some rest, Mr. Castle." Castle nodded and then turned his head back to Kate, wincing slightly.

Kate gave him an encouraging smile. "It hurts, doesn't it?" She squeezed his hand gently.

He closed his eyes for a long moment, simply breathing. He tightened his grip on her hand to a point where it was almost painful, but Kate didn't complain. She was happy to be Rick's tether, to give him something to hold on to.

"Yeah, it hurts." He swallowed. "Thanks for coming to find me…" He coughed a bit. "I'm not sure I would have lasted much longer."  
>His words hit Kate hard and she struggled to hide her reaction – he didn't need to see her have a break down. Not now. But God, he had been so close to slipping away. And he <em>knew <em>that. "You really think I would have left you in there, Castle?" Her tone was playful, but her eyes were serious as she held his gaze. "I didn't _blink _until I figured out where you were."

His smile brightened a little as he leaned his head towards her a little. "I was so…" He stopped, the smile fading, and looked at their joined hands again, this time not returning to her gaze.

"Afraid? Because I was. I was so scared, Castle."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. Afraid. So damn afraid." He turned his head away from her, as if he were embarrassed.

"Hey, that's nothing to be ashamed of, Castle. We were all scared for you. These past few days… they've been hell."

"I'm so sorry, Kate." The words came out as barely a whisper, but they were clear nonetheless. And they tore Kate's heart in two.

"What? No, Castle. You have nothing to be sorry for. You were… you're hurt, you're so badly hurt. And I… I'm just so glad that you're here. That you're still with me." _Hold back the tears, Kate. Hold them back. You need to be strong now. _Kate took a deep breath.

"I just…" Castle trailed off, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Castle, if you're too tired, we can always talk later."

He looked over at her again. "I want to talk, Kate. I need to talk. But I'm just so _exhausted._"

She gave him a smile, squeezed his hand. "I know. Get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up."

He stared at her for a moment, his blue eyes a little brighter and the ghost of a smile on his face. "Thank you, Kate."

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><p>Kate spent the next hour or so trying to decide what to say to him when he was ready. It had to be said – she couldn't bear the thought of losing him again without telling him how she really felt. And after that letter, how could she not tell him? He deserved to know.<p>

Not to mention, she wanted desperately to curl up with him and never move again – that would be hard to do without a little explanation. So she continued to watch him sleeping, hoping that he felt as peaceful as he looked.

It was at times like this that Kate wished she had Rick's command of words. He could so easily articulate himself, even though in their past few conversations he had been less eloquent than usual. That was to be expected, what with the serial killer and the capturing and all. But even in the midst of immense pain, he was still probably twice as expressive as she was. She had never been good at communicating her feelings.

But she realized as she held his hand that she didn't really need to find the perfect words or the most beautiful phrases; Castle would understand her no matter what she said. He was perfect like that.

When he woke again, he looked brighter. The lines on his face were still deeply carved, but less significant than before. His eyes shined a little brighter, and his smile was brilliant as he looked over at Kate.

"You're still here." He said, his voice stronger than before.

"Of course I am, Castle." She said, scoffing lightheartedly. In truth, her insides were writhing. Here was the man she loved, that loved her back – and she hadn't the slightest idea what to say to him.

There was a comfortable silence in the room as they watched each other. It wasn't creepy, as Kate might have once described it, but simply grateful, thankful that they were both still sitting there.

"You feeling any better?" Kate asked, searching for something to talk about.

"A bit, actually. Still hurts like hell, but I feel a little more functional."

"That's good. We'll have to figure out some sort of system when we get you out of here."

"What do you mean?" Castle asked, taking a drink of water from the cup that sat beside his bed.

"Well, I'm not going to leave you on your own. You're going to need medical help, for one, and then there's always the issue with… well, you know." They hadn't talked about the Checkmate Killer yet, and Kate knew that he probably wouldn't want to talk about it for at least another day or so. She would wait until he was ready.

"Kate, you don't have to take care of me. And I know you have work to do… I don't want to hold you back."

"Castle, I'm not letting you out of my sight." He looked at her, an almost confused expression on his face. She was really going to have to spell this out for him, wasn't she? Kate took a long breath and grabbed his hand again, leaning forward. "Okay, listen. And don't talk for a minute. Just let me… let me work through what I'm going to say. It's not going to sound nearly as beautiful as your letter."

His mouth opened then, ready to spew an explanation at her, but she simply held up her hand, silencing him.

"Castle, when you were… when you were captured, I was devastated. Completely broken. I didn't know what to do. We didn't have any leads, we didn't have any evidence. All we had was the fact that you were missing, and it nearly destroyed me." She paused, letting the hopelessness of that initial period wash over her. He watched with concerned eyes, gently running his thumb back and forth across her hand.

"I thought I had lost you. And then I found that letter on your laptop. And… and you said a lot of things that sent me spinning in a thousand different directions, but when you said you were ready to greet death, I just… lost it. I realized that there was a possibility that I would never see you again, a possibility that you might never know how I really felt. And I can't… now that I have you back, I can't let that happen again. I can't waste any more time running away from you, Castle."

She stopped for a moment and examined him. He looked absolutely floored, his eyes wide but sparkling, a surprised smile on his face. Yet at the same time he looked strangely serious, as if he wasn't sure whether he was supposed to be happy about what she was saying.

"So, I guess there's no other way to say it than to just… say it." Kate smiled and laughed a bit, feeling slightly embarrassed. He squeezed her hand, though, encouraging her to continue. So she looked up into his perfect eyes and spoke. "Castle, I love you."

A wide smile spread across his face and he opened his mouth to speak again, but she stopped him once more. "Wait, I'm not done. I want you to understand, Castle. The things you said in your letter – they've eaten away at me for the past few days and I want you to know that we _will _have a future together. Because I've found the person I want to share my life with, the one I want to dive into it with. Castle, I love you, and I'm not going to let you go. You're stuck with me."

She let out a long air of breath, finishing her speech and feeling very exposed. Her feelings of embarrassment vanished quickly, though, as Castle reached forward and pulled her slowly to him. Before Kate could even think, his lips were on hers and suddenly her world seemed to brighten. She leaned into him, making sure to keep the embrace gentle because of the pain he was in, but wanting so desperately to deepen the kiss and let loose all of her pent up passion.

It felt so perfect as they broke apart and smiled foolishly at each other, foreheads touching. She breathed with him and she felt the life that filled him; even now, she wanted the reassurance that he was still there with her.

"Oh, Kate." Castle breathed, caressing her face gently. "I love you too."

She grinned goofily at him, letting the words sink in. He loved her. She loved him. And most importantly, they finally admitted it to one another. Kate climbed all the way up onto the bed with Castle, nestling herself in beside him, resting her head on his shoulder, careful not to jostle any of his injuries.

And there, in the silent peace of Castle's embrace, Kate finally felt safe.

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><p><strong>Please let me know what you think!<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys! Before I say anything else, I am _so sorry _that it has taken me so long to update. I meant to have a chapter out soon, I really did, but then life got in the way, as it always seems to. I really am quite sorry. I know I hate waiting for chapter updates, so I feel awful making all of you wait for mine. Having said that, I am still enormously surprised with what great reception this story has been getting. Your reviews fill me with absolute joy every time I read them. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. This chapter here isn't very monumental, in fact, it's kind of short. I meant for it to be longer and more exciting, but it just didn't turn out that way. This probably partially stems from the fact that I wanted to get something up as soon as possible for you guys. I hope you enjoy it anyway, and please leave a review on your way out! Also, just a warning - we're nearing the end of the story. I estimate two or three chapters left, depending on where the characters take me. Thanks for reading!**

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><p>Kate awoke feeling more peaceful than she had in a long time. She simply breathed for a moment, taking in the sounds of the room. And then she realized it. She was here, laying on a hospital bed with Castle. She was tucked into a sleeping Castle, who had his arm wrapped around her and whose chest was rising and falling like that of a man who is alive. Because Castle <em>is <em>alive. And he's here with her. And he's going to be alright.

She glanced towards the clock on the wall; it was about eleven in the afternoon. She had been here all night, after finding Castle around ten o'clock the previous night and then staying through his surgery until the early hours of the morning. Kate had to admit that she was surprised she had fallen asleep; it was the first time she had slept well since this whole ordeal started. And she hadn't even been in a suitable bed, but rather curled up next to her…

What was he, now? Boyfriend? Partner? Kate frowned. It would be yet another conversation they would have to have, and soon. But for now, she was content with the fact that he was Castle, he was alive, and he was _hers. _

Kate slowly unfolded herself from his side and rose to her feet, a little shakily. She looked back at him for a moment, smiling slightly at the peaceful expression on his sleeping face. She wanted him to rest as much as he could; he probably hadn't slept in days. Or eaten. Had he eaten? What, exactly, had it been like back there, in the warehouse?

Kate swallowed back the creeping panic that inched its way up her throat, trying to calm herself. She would talk with Castle – she had to. He had faced some awful things, and she would have to be strong for him. She would have to hold his hand while he told her about the horrors he faced and she would have to keep herself from crying. She could do it. She had to do it.

She would be there for him and he would get better. And then everything… everything would be fine. Everything would be perfect, in fact. Because they would finally be together and happy and so very much in love.

The grin came back to Kate's face quickly with that thought, and she decided to creep out of the room to make a couple of quick phone calls without disturbing Rick. She needed to call Martha and Alexis – she told them she would as soon as he woke up, but then they talked and she fell asleep.

Martha picked up after a couple of rings and was pleased to hear from Kate. She seemed to know a little too much as Kate explained her delay in calling, but was happy to know that Rick was doing okay. She and Alexis would be by once more during the day before leaving for the safe house again. Kate knew Rick wouldn't be happy about this; he would want to be with his family, and rightly so. It would be hard for him to leave them again, but hopefully the whole ordeal would be over soon, and Martha and Alexis could come back home.

Kate gave the precinct a quick call and then turned back towards Castle's room. When she stepped through the doorway, he was propped up in his bed, his face tightened in pain and his eyes squeezed shut. Kate's pulse quickened a little as she rushed to his side. His hand was holding onto the side of the bed with a death grip, a grip that Kate happily took on as she squeezed his hand with hers.

"Castle, are you okay? What's wrong?"

His eyes snapped open and he looked over to her almost pleadingly. They were red-rimmed, slightly wet. The pain must have been very intense.

"It… it just, _God. _And when I woke up… you weren't here to distract me from the pain."

Kate swallowed. "Oh, Castle, I'm so sorry. I was just… I was just making some phone calls. But I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

He breathed heavily for a moment. "Okay."

They sat in silence for some time. The tight grip on Beckett's hand let up after a while, and Castle leaned his head back against the pillow, a small smile stretching across his face as he looked at Kate.

"Good morning." He said softly.

"Hey." And they stared at each other, content. Until the precinct called again, and reality set in. Kate dismissed Montgomery as quickly as she could; she needed to be with Castle. The Captain seemed to understand – he gave her a quick update on the case and then let her go.

Castle looked at her phone for a moment, a tired gaze in his eyes. "What did Montgomery want?"

"He was wondering when we he could talk to you, actually." She kept her voice gentle.

"About the Checkmate Killer."

Kate squeezed his hand softly. "Yeah."

Castle closed his eyes, leaning back. "I don't know who he is." There was silence for a moment. "He said he knew me, he saw me every day. But I have _no idea._" He swallowed hard, and Kate's heart seemed to tear a little, watching his pain.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll figure this out. But as soon as you're ready, you're going to have to tell us everything you can remember about him. Okay?"

He watched her for a moment. "Okay."

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><p>Castle was in a lot of pain, but his injuries weren't serious enough to keep him at the hospital for long. The doctor released him the following morning, under the condition that he would have somebody with him at all times. Castle seemed happy to leave the stuffy hospital, though Kate was pretty certain that part of that happiness had to do with the fact that her hand was currently tangled in his.<p>

She hadn't left him yet, and hadn't wanted to. Lanie (while freaking out about Kate and Castle) had brought her some supplies and she had spent the night in the hospital with him. All of that stuff was now packed in the back of the taxi that was taking Rick and Kate back to the detective's apartment.

"So… what are we going to do from here?" Castle asked, his voice soft.

"Well, we're going to go home." Kate paused. It was home, with him. _He _was home. "And… I don't really know. I'll work at the apartment until you're fit to come into work or something. We'll figure it out."

"You need to go the Precinct, Kate. It'll be so troublesome to work from home."

"I'm not going to you leave you there alone, Castle."

He let out a long breath, but didn't reply for a moment. When he did, his voice was barely loud enough for Kate to make out the words. "I hate being an inconvenience to you."

Kate leaned closer to him, squeezing his hand gently. "Hey. Knock it off. You're not an inconvenience to anybody, Castle."

He gave her a weak smile, but his eyes looked a little lighter at her words. He pulled her in closer, wrapping an arm around her tentatively. Kate noticed the slight wince he gave, but let him continue. They needed this. She leaned against his shoulder, closing her eyes and breathing in all that was Castle. He leaned his head into her hair, holding her as close as he could.

"I'll get back to work with you as quickly as I can," he whispered, "We're in this together."

"Always."

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><p>The day had passed agonizingly slowly. All Kate had wanted to do was curl up with Castle and never get up again, but the thought of the Checkmate Killer – still out there, still ready to get them – it kept her away from the arms of her writer. He had stuck around in the living room while she started to work on wading through the latest evidence, but Kate had finally dismissed him to bed around ten o'clock. He was exhausted and needed sleep, especially if he wanted to come into the Precinct anytime soon.<p>

Kate sighed, throwing yet another file onto the coffee table. What she really needed was information from Castle. She needed a description, a detailed account of his time held hostage. But it was unfair to push him so far so quickly. She was willing to give him another night without having to recall the information, but in the meantime, she couldn't help but work through every detail of the case that she could to find her own evidence.

It was somebody that Kate had never met. At least, if she could trust what the man said over the phone. Somebody that Kate had never met but somebody who knew Castle. Somebody who had seen Castle every day, but somebody that Castle didn't know. Kate tried to mentally trace the past few years of Castle's life. She wrote down key events and tried to fill the spaces between those events, but found it increasingly difficult to separate Castle's life from her own as she got closer to present day. Their lives had become so entwined, to the point where Kate was even familiar with many of Castle's publishing agents and coworkers. So who could this killer be?

A soft voice came from her bedroom, calling her name. Kate glanced at the clock – it was three in the morning. How had time passed so quickly? She could have sworn it had been merely fifteen minutes since she sent Castle to her bed. She had planned to get to sleep soon after, on the couch, but she _had _to keep working on the case.

"Kate?" Castle called again, and Kate stood, moving towards her bedroom.

"What's up, Castle?"

He was sitting up slightly, an adorably sleepy look on his face. "What are you still doing up?"

Kate fidgeted a little. He wouldn't like her answer. "I'm just… going over some things with the case."

"Now? Kate, it's three in the morning."

"I know, Castle. I'll go to bed soon, I promise." She turned towards the door, ready to leave, but Castle's voice stopped her again.

"No, Kate."

"Castle –"

"No," he interrupted her again, a pained look on his face. "I know you. I know that as soon as you go back out there, you're going to pick up those files and you're going to lose yourself in them. You need sleep, Kate."

Kate crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame, conflicted. She wanted to sleep, she did – she was exhausted. But the thought of the Checkmate Killer was still there, in the back of her mind. "I need to catch him, Castle." Her voice sounded so weak. She immediately wished she could take the words back, but they were there, floating sadly in the air between them.

Castle's expression softened. "Come here." He opened his arms, gesturing to the bed.

"No, Castle, it's fine, you're injured…"

"Kate, come here. You're certainly not going to hurt me."

Kate was still for a moment, but then closed the distance between them in a few short strides. She perched on the edge of the bed, watching him. He rolled his eyes and reached out to her, pulling her closer. Eventually she gave in, snuggling against him.

"We're gonna get him." Castle whispered into her ear, stroking her hair. It was so… comfortable. And perfect. "But not tonight."

Kate fist was balled up in his shirt as she pressed herself into him. Why was she crying? Why was he the one being so wonderful? Why was he the one doing all the comforting? "I'm sorry, Castle."

"For what?"

"For… I don't know. For everything. For letting you get captured. For taking so long to find you. For making you comfort me. For… for letting you down."

Castle was silent for a long moment, in which he pulled Kate as close as he possibly could with his injuries. Then, slowly, he began to speak. "Kate. There's no reason for you to be sorry. For anything. You haven't let me down – hell, Kate, you're the only reason I'm still here. You are the most inspiring woman I have ever met, and you never cease to amaze me. For that reason alone, I'm glad that I can give you some comfort. You deserve it, Kate."

Kate looked at him for a moment. His eyes were shining their brilliant blue, a soft smile lighting up his face. She leaned forward and closed the distance with a soft kiss, one full of tenderness. "I love you, Castle."

Castle smiled, letting Kate rest into his side once again. "I know. And that makes me the happiest man in the world."

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><p>Kate handed Castle a large cup of coffee. Its rich brown liquid let out thin tendrils of steam that billowed into the air, filling them with a sense of warmth and comfort. It was one of the many reasons that Kate loved coffee so much.<p>

Castle smiled at her, taking a long sip of his coffee. He was unusually quiet. His eyes were dull and focused thoroughly on the coasters on her table. Then, softly, he lifted his eyes and spoke.

"It was terrible, Kate."

Kate swallowed hard, unsure of how to proceed from here. Castle was ready to talk, at least a little, and that was good. She wanted to be there for him and to talk with him. But still, she wasn't sure she could really handle hearing all of the gory details, of hearing exactly how Castle had become so injured.

"You want to tell me about it?" She said, gently.

He was silent for another long moment. "It was dark. And cold. And when I woke up, at first… I thought that maybe…" He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "I thought I was in Hell." Kate tried to keep a calm look on her face. Tried to give Castle strength. "I woke up and there was so much pain from where he had hit me in the head… and I was tied to this chair, and…" He trailed off, falling silent for a few minutes. Kate waited.

Castle took another gulp of coffee. "He hated me. He hated me so much, and I don't even know why."

"He's messed up, Castle. That's why."

"Well, yeah. But… he knew me. He said he had seen me every day. _Every day. _And yet I still didn't recognize him. What does that make me?"

Kate took in a long breath. The killer's words had really gotten to Castle – she could see it in his eyes, in the lines of his face. She reached out, grabbing his hands with hers. "Castle, you are the most compassionate, genuine person I know. The fact that you don't recognize this _one _man doesn't make you a terrible person. The fact that he would abduct you because of it? That makes _him _the awful, awful person."

He blinked. "I just… I feel so… I just want to understand _why._"

That's all Kate wanted, too. That and to put the whole ordeal behind them, to move on and be happy. "Did he tell you why?"

Castle looked up. "He said it was revenge, of sorts. To teach me a lesson. To force me to notice him."

"In other words, he's crazy." She squeezed his hand. "We already knew that."

"Yeah." He was silent for a long moment, stroking his thumb up and down Kate's hand. "But all of those people… they died just so I would notice this man. It's my fault they're dead."

Kate moved closer to him, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "Castle, listen to me. This is not your fault. None of this your fault. The deaths of those people had nothing to do with you. They died at the hands of the Checkmate Killer. And even if you weren't around, he would still be killing. He would just have a different reason."

Castle squeezed his eyes shut. "I know that. It's just… it's so hard."

Kate moved to wrap her arms around Castle, pulling him close. "I know it is. But we're going to make it, Castle. Together."


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello! I have another chapter, finally! And I apologize for how short this one is, but I also promise that the next one will be out SOON. In fact, I'm going to spend the rest of the night working on it. So don't hate me too much...?  
><strong>

**I just want to say again how amazed and humbled I am by all your wonderful reviews. It means so much to me that you guys are enjoying this and taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you! And now, enjoy the latest chapter.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

"This is an artist's rendition of our guy." Kate spoke with a clear, commanding voice, standing tall in front of what must have been the entire homicide department. She tapped the drawing that was pinned to the murder board, pointing out the grim face of the man who was the Checkmate Killer. Kate felt her insides squirm just looking at him. He had a low brow and dark eyes, thin lips. Kate wanted to punch that little smirk of his face.

But she couldn't – she was in front of her colleagues, giving a briefing on where they were in the case. Castle had given them a full report of what had happened. It had taken several hours and a lot of hand-squeezing, but he had relived every moment that happened in that office so that Kate could try and pin down the killer.

Castle was here now, too; he had insisted that they come in that day. Kate, in turn, had insisted that Castle bring a cane to help him walk. They had argued for a good half hour over it, in fact. But there he sat, in his chair by her desk, the handsome cane leaning against the chair and the handsome man staring straight at her. She held his gaze for a moment, savoring the peace that she found in his blue eyes.

And then she turned back to the murder board and that peace was gone. To see the words "Richard Castle" written on the murder board made her throat constrict – she knew he was fine, he was right there. But _still. _"Richard Castle," right next to gruesome pictures of dead bodies. It shouldn't be allowed.

God, they had to find this guy.

Kate finished explaining the situation to everybody there and then dismissed them to their duties. The precinct was a flurry of motion as people scurried this way and that, heading off to their perspective tasks. They had heavy surveillance set up around the office where they found Castle, but nothing had come of that so far. The Killer's picture had been sent to the press that morning, but they probably wouldn't be receiving any calls about it until the next day. Kate and the boys had done a thorough search of Castle's life – colleagues, fans, former murder suspects, even. And they had found nothing.

Kate sunk into her chair with a sigh, swiveling to look at the murder board. Who was this guy?

Castle leaned forward, reaching out to lay his hand on the crook of her elbow. She looked back at him, her eyes tender. "Hey," he said, "You wanna go for a walk or something?"

Kate raised her eyebrow. Honestly, nothing sounded better. They should be working on the case, but Kate hadn't stopped working on the case for the last thirty-six hours. Getting out of the Precinct sounded like a good plan. But… "Are you sure you're up for that, Castle?"

"I think it might actually be good… get up and move around, you know? I've been sitting for the last two days. I'm stiff." He grinned a boyish grin and she rolled her eyes. But she couldn't really be annoyed with him, not when he was so ruffled and adorable. So she stood, pulled on her jacket.

"Let's go get some coffee. We can go to your usual place… what is it called?"

"Simon's Café. Great coffee."  
>"Yeah. Simon's. I haven't had good coffee in a while."<p>

Kate called to Esposito, letting him know that she and Castle were heading out for a bit. Then she reached down, pulling Castle to his feet and threading her fingers through his as they started towards the door. They hadn't held back their affection for one another at the Precinct – sure, they hadn't been making out in the midst of all their coworkers, but they hadn't stopped holding hands, comforting each other. And so far nobody had called them on it. Kate figured they all knew it was bound to happen when they rescued him, and everybody knew that now was _not _the time for teasing. Oh, it would come later. She was sure of that. But she was also pretty sure that she could handle it, if she had Castle by her side.

She loved him. And it still astonished her that the fact was common knowledge now. It still astonished her that she could lean in and kiss him any time she wanted to. And Kate was pretty sure it still astonished him, as well, judging by the way his blue eyes shined every time he looked over at her.

"So you're feeling a little better?" She asked. They were halfway there, already, hands clasped. Walking like any couple would.

"Yeah, a little. I mean, I'm still sore pretty much everywhere. But my energy is back."

She smiled a bit. She was glad for this – she had missed his boyish energy in the last couple of days. But she knew he wouldn't truly be himself again until the Checkmate Killer was behind bars. And even then… would he ever be able to recover from his terrible experience?

It made her sick to even think about the things he had told her – the blood, the sweat, the taunting. The man had beaten her writer with a pipe. He _had _to pay.

They entered the coffee shop, the scent of the familiar grinds greeting them like an old friend. Kate had only been to this particular café once or twice, but she knew the coffee well – Castle had brought her a tall, steaming cup of this brew every day for the past three years.

Wait.

Kate swallowed hard, her heartbeat increasing rapidly. She unconsciously squeezed Castle's hand, her mind racing. Every day for the past three years. He knew Castle, but not her. Castle didn't recognize him.

How could she have missed this?  
>Castle was staring at her, a concerned expression in his eyes. "What is it? What's wrong?"<p>

Kate blinked. "Here, Castle. He's from _here._"

She let go of his hand and raced forward towards the counter, waiving her badge at protesting customers and the surprised employees. She spoke clearly, with force.

"Kate Beckett, NYPD. Do you recognize this man?"

She held up a folded image of the Checkmate Killer. She had kept it her pocket, just in case. The young man behind the counter, a pimply boy in his teens, swallowed and nodded, confused.

"Uh, yeah. That's James… he's the assistant manager."

Kate tried to catch her breath. Castle was behind her – she could feel him tense as he the employee affirmed the killer's identity.

"Is he here?" Kate asked, ready to jump behind the counter and hunt the son of a bitch down.

"No, he quit a couple weeks ago."

Kate glanced back at Castle. His eyes were steely, his face ghostly pale. She reached out to him and grabbed his hand before turning back to the boy. "I need his address and information. Now."

The boy fetched his manager, who in turn handed over James' address.

And just like that, they had their guy. His name was James Morris. And they were going to catch him.

Kate rushed out of the café, Castle in tow. She was on her phone, barking instructions at Ryan and Esposito, who would then relay those instructions to the rest of the Precinct. She immediately regretted walking to the café – she couldn't move very fast with Castle with her. So Esposito brought the car by, hopping out of it to let Kate take it and then running to join Ryan in his own car.

Castle hadn't said a word. Kate looked at him as she buckled her seat belt. "You ready for this?" She said, her voice soft.

He swallowed and nodded, slowly. "I am."

They raced through the streets of New York, siren and lights blaring. This was it. This was the time. That bastard would be behind bars in a matter of hours. And then she and Castle would be free of this madness.

Kate screeched to a halt in front of the shady apartment building that housed James Morris. She leapt out, strapping on her Kevlar vest and tossing Castle his. He looked at her, surprised.

"You want me to come?"

She returned the astonished gaze. Was it even a question? "You're my partner, Castle." She hesitated. Was he afraid? "If you're not up to it, though…"

"No. I'll stand with you, Kate."

She gave him a small smile and turned towards the door of the apartment building, Esposito and Ryan joining them.

Kate nodded, letting all of her hatred and nerves flow out of her in one, fierce word:

"Checkmate."

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><p><strong>There you have it... I promise I'll have the next part soon! And just an aside... props to those of you who figured it out. I really enjoyed seeing some of you crack the case in your reviews. :)<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**I promised a quick update - here it is.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

Kate busted through the door of the apartment, her team on her heels. Crying "NYPD," they surged forward, leading with their guns as they cleared the rooms. Esposito and Ryan went one direction inside the surprising large apartment while Kate headed the other way, Castle behind her. There was a door, slightly ajar, and Kate could hear movement on the other end. She kicked it open and moved forward, gun held high.

And there he was.

He had a crazed look on his face and a gun in his hands. Pointed at her. Kate found she didn't care much. Was it so bad that she just wanted to shoot him where he stood? But she couldn't, of course. And she didn't want to, really. She wanted to see this man, James Morris, suffer. She wanted to see his pain. She wanted to watch him go to jail for the rest of his pathetic life. It's what he deserved.

"Put the gun down, James."

He laughed. Castle emerged behind her, his face stony. That laugh… it must haunt Castle, Kate thought. It was already starting to get to her.

"You must be Detective Beckett." He smirked. "Nice to finally meet you. I've heard… so much."

"Put. The gun. Down."

His grin got a little wider. "You know what? I don't think I will." His gaze shifted over to Castle and he seemed to brighten a little. God, Kate hated this man.

"Mr. Castle," he said, "So good to see you again. You know, I was a little offended by how you just ran out on me before. I thought we were friends?"

Castle's fists were balled, but he said nothing. Kate was proud of him – she could see all the words boiling below the surface. But he was restraining himself. He was letting her play this out the way she needed to.

"James, the game is up. Castle is safe and he's not going anywhere. You have nothing left. You've lost."

He looked at her, his gaze turning from a light, playful one to one full of hatred. It seemed to mirror her own. Kate heard Esposito and Ryan enter behind them. James looked at each of them, but only briefly. His attention was focused on Kate and Castle.

"I haven't lost, Detective. I… I can't lose."

Kate could see his resolve start to crumble. It was barely there, but still. It was something to pick until he lost it completely.

"What I don't understand, James, is how you really thought that you could win. A chess game? Really? We're detectives, James. The best in the city. Of _course _we can figure out a silly little chess game."

James clenched his teeth. "It wasn't… it wasn't silly. You couldn't figure it out. It took you weeks. And… and I had _him _for days before you found him."

"But we found him. We won."

"No!" James jerked to the side, swiveling the barrel of his handgun so that it pointed straight at Castle.

Well, that wouldn't do.

Kate took a step to the right, so that she was partly in front of Castle. But there wasn't much space there, and if James took the shot, Castle would still be hit. "Put the gun _down, _James. I don't want to shoot you!"

"Yes, you do." James said, getting frantic. His voice was much higher than it had been, his eyes wider. Sweat trailed down his temples, and his hands were shaking slightly as he clenched his gun. He was unstable, and his gun was pointed at Castle. No, this wasn't good at all.

"You don't care about me," James said, pacing slightly, keeping his gun focused on Castle, who was trying to look brave. "The only reason you even know who I am is because of _him._"

"James, you don't have to do this! Just put down the gun, we can talk about this!"

"We can't talk! You won't listen!"

There was a flurry of movement and a gunshot.

For one terrible, terrible moment, Kate thought that Castle had been hit. She looked back at him, grabbed onto him, but he was staring forward, his eyes wide. She followed his gaze to see James, crumpled on the floor, blood spilling out of his skull and the gun still clenched in his hand.

He was… dead. He had shot himself.

There was absolute silence in the room for a sickening moment, and then Castle rushed forward, collapsing onto the body.

And then, he was screaming. Why was he screaming?

"No, dammit! You can't die! You can't be dead, you son of a bitch! You don't deserve to get off that easy!" He pounded on the body, enraged, broken. "Come back, you bastard! Come back and face us!"

Esposito and Ryan quietly slipped out of the room to call the coroner and Kate slowly approached Castle, kneeling down and touching him softly on the shoulder. "Hey," she whispered.

He fell back into her, then, sobbing. His hands were now covered with James' blood, and his body shook with his cries and he buried his face in Kate's hair. She wrapped her arms around him, slowly rocking back and forth.

"It's okay, Castle. It's okay. It's over."

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><p>The Precinct seemed strangely quiet. Castle, too – he was more quiet than ever. Kate didn't want to bother him with the paperwork. She wanted him to go see his family, to celebrate the fact that it was all over. But it was clear he couldn't do that yet. He sat, empty and emotionless, staring vacantly ahead.<p>

The coroner had arrived on the scene quickly, carting away James Morris' body. Ryan and Esposito left without saying much, leaving Kate and Rick alone. Beckett appreciated that. When Rick had gathered himself again, they returned to the Precinct. They hadn't spoken much in between.

Kate was glad the case was over, and extremely relieved that James Morris was out of their lives forever. But as much as she hated the man, she couldn't help but feel a little bit sorry for him. In the end, the only thing Morris and wanted was some recognition. He wanted people to notice him. He wanted someone to listen to him. Was that really that wrong?

But then Kate remembered the pictures of bodies she had just removed from the murder board, packing them away into evidence along with the creepy chess set she had received in the mail. And then she saw Castle, lost and defeated, and she remembered why she hated James Morris so much.

Kate tried to give Castle space, wondering if that was what he needed. To tell the truth, she was horrible at this kind of stuff. She didn't often have to comfort people, not really. Sure, she told people all the time that their loved ones had been murdered, but those people weren't Castle, and those people hadn't been through what he had just experienced. So really, she was lost. She wanted to help him. She wanted to be there. But she didn't really know how.

After a few minutes, she couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Hey," She said softly, looking up at him. She reached out and took his hand. He didn't resist. "You okay?"

He blinked, and then, after a moment, returned her gaze. His eyes were darker than normal. "Yeah. Well, no. But I'll be okay."

She squeezed his hand. "I'm so sorry, Rick."

He gave her a weak smile. "Kate, you have nothing to be sorry about. You… you saved me. In every way. Without you… God, I don't know where I would be, Kate. So, thank you. And don't apologize."

What did she do to deserve him? The better question, Kate realized, was what did they do to deserve each other? Even here, in the midst of all this chaos, they managed to find some small sort of happiness. Even here, he made her heart swell and her cheeks flush. She stood and pulled hip up, wrapping him in a tight hug. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too." They didn't bother to break the embrace for some time. They just stood there, wrapped up in each other's warmth, letting the whole situation slip away for a few perfect moments.

When they finally broke apart, Castle met her eyes for a long moment. Then, finally, he spoke his mind. "I'm sorry I broke down back there." Kate opened her mouth to protest, but he held up his hand. "No, it was… unreasonable. I was just so _angry, _Kate. I was – am – so angry that he could get away that easily. He deserved worse. He deserved to really pay for what he did."

Kate understood. True, James was dead now and things can't really get much worse than that. But the fact that James took his own life just meant that in the end, he was still calling the shots. He got to decide his own fate. He didn't deserve that.

"I know, Castle. But we can put that behind us now. It's done."

He gave her a small smile, but one that satisfied Kate. He seemed a little more content – still upset, but a little happier – as he took his seat again. She sat as well, turning back to the mounds of paperwork on her desk. Oh, what a case this had been. What a crazy, terrifying, horrible case. But it was over now, and she and Castle were together, and now she felt like they could face anything. Kate started to scrawl on the first sheet of paperwork when Castle caught her attention once more.

"Hey, Kate?"

She looked up. "Yeah?"

"I'm really glad I have you."

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><p><strong>And that, my friends, is the end of <em>Of Pain and Possibilities. <em>First off, I just want to say a huge thank you to all of you who have joined me on this ride - this is the first multichapter story I have ever finished, and I am so happy and proud and amazed that you guys have followed me all this way. So thank you. Your kind words have gotten me through some really awful days, and without you I know this story never would have found it's conclusion. I hope you enjoyed it, because I know I did. Also, I just want to note how awesome this fandom is. I can be really sappy about things like this, but you guys really do amaze me. Everybody in the Castle fandom is so wonderful and kind. So thank you for that, as well. :) I will see you guys somewhere in the Casketty future!**


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